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A letter to the newly appointed Gor Mahia coach
By Ochieng Otieno | Updated Jul 08, 2017 at 11:57 EAT
Gor Mahia Coach, Dylan Kerr

Dear Dylan Kerr,

Congratulations on your appointment as the new Gor Mahia head coach. It comes with pride to note that Gor Mahia is the biggest and by far the most successful club in this side of Sub-Saharan Africa. It shall be prudent to note that due to the hard work of your predecessor, you will have an opportunity to meet your relatives from England on 13th July when Gor Mahia takes on Everton Fc after a successful Sportpesa Tournament in June 2017. On equal measure, this will also give you a chance to show your former bosses at Simba Fc that you still in this business. 

Sir, allow me to tell you about what awaits your arrival in Kenya. Contrary to the sweet words that you have been told over the phone, kindly read, and re-read your contract your predecessors have cried foul after being awarded their jobs. If you were promised an SUV to chauffeur you around Nairobi, make sure it’s that very model you bargained for don’t settle for less, we are growing tired of the circus. 

Secondly, contrary to what he told you that you are coming to coach a community club, kindly get acquainted with Jomo Cosmos model and their C.E.O, Security Manager, Fan, Club cook, Physiotherapist et.al, Jomo Cosmos Sono. It is the very model that Gor Mahia is using. Our chairman call short on everything and anything within the confines of the club as such he determines how long you stay and if you are ever going to stay peaceful (You and I know that staying is relative). The only good thing about him is that he will never pick your starting eleven. At least you have some elements of freedom maximize on this aspect because it will determine if you win the trust of the fans.

Boss, don’t be surprised that occasionally you will be locked out of a training facility due to lack of payment, and kindly note that contrary to that mail that tells you that our club has an office space at Nyayo stadium, all our activities take place at 5th floor, Mayfair Center, on your way to the biggest referral hospital in the East and Central Africa, Kenyatta National Hospital. By the way, you can find all our trophies at the secretary’s desk. We are a club that wins anyway.

As I wind up, kindly don’t confuse our players for fans should some come for training in puma, under armour, select, Adidas, Joma jerseys or in worst case scenario bare chest. Kindly be guided that you are coming to meet fans who are already saying that “Okinyal” meaning “You can’t” and they expect to see good results as soon as your airline leaves the Legendary Heathrow airport. Welcome Home Mr. Dylan Kerr, I hear they have started calling you Ker Riaga, after a late Luo community spokesperson, and leader.

Yours sincerely,

Ochieng Otieno.

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