She is a virgin and won’t give in

I am 25 and currently working as a civil engineer with a ministry. I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl from Kitale for the past three years. We meet every month but whenever I ask that we take our relationship to the next level by getting intimate, she vehemently refuses and says she is still a virgin. I know she loves me, but I don’t understand why she won’t allow intimacy even after three years of courting. My interest in her is diminishing fast. I don’t know what to do with her. Please advise…

{Richie}?

 

Richie, people attach different values to different things. More importantly, women generally do not give in easily to sexual intimacy and usually prefer to wait till their wedding night, or if they give in, it is to someone they feel they can trust.

The fact that your girlfriend is withholding sex from you does not necessarily mean she does not care. It is possible she is preserving herself for marriage or waiting until she can completely trust you before she gives in to your needs. Having said that, though, three years is a long time to withhold intimacy and she is probably saving herself for marriage.

 You are only 25 years old and the best advice I would give you is to wait until you are married to consummate your relationship. There is more to every relationship than just sex and there are many other ways you can have fun without necessarily resorting to sexual relations. Sex is so much better when you wait to do it with the right person at the right time. Then, you do not have to worry about obligations like birth control or pregnancy scares.

A girl who can hold out on you for that long is obviously trustworthy because if she is not doing it with you, then chances are high she is not doing it with anybody else either.

If you feel like you cannot wait and you are determined to go through with it, exercise caution. Be sure to take a HIV test before you indulge in any sexual activity and do not pressure your girl into doing it. Find a willing but cautious partner. However, like I earlier advised, it is best for you to wait until marriage before you engage in sexual intimacy.

Your say to Richie

Your girlfriend loves you and I believe you love her too. There is everything golden in her — she is still a virgin and you can be sure she won’t have sex with just anybody, even in future. She is reserving that for you and insisting on it now may mean you lose her. The only way is to marry her and she will be wholly yours.

{Stanley arap Tungo, Eldama Ravine}

That girl is one in a million and you should guard her with your life. Assure her that you are not in a hurry and wait until she is ready, which could mean after you marry her.

{Andrew Okinyi, Kisumu}

That girl does not trust you enough to have sex with you. Three years of dating is too long. Just forget about her and get another girlfriend.

{Wesley Njoroge, Nakuru}

Being in a relationship does not mean having sex. Sex is meant for married couples, so if you don’t want to wait until you marry her, just get another girlfriend.

{Doreen Anyango, Nairobi}

It is either your relationship has not matured enough to the level of trust or you have been demanding sex until you have freaked her. Take it easy and give her space. She will eventually come around.

{Nash Omolo}?

It is possible that your monthly meetings are not enough to create the needed intimacy and trust for sex. You may need to meet regularly or plan a holiday where you can spend time together. Girls value their virginity and would like to be sure before they give in.

{Kemoli Nzala}

Marry her and you will enjoy intimacy with her for the rest of your life. I don’t see what is stopping your from settling down. You are employed and you both love each other.

{Irene Ndoria, Mombasa}