For my peace, I forgave my attacker

Kelvin Kairu Nyambura victim of acid attack on September 18, 2019. [David Gichuru, Standard]

"I wanted to die, although I pretended to be fine,” Kelvin Kairu Nyambura tells me. “I took about 80 sleeping pills, a handful of antibiotic tablets, and a small bottle of potent pesticide. Then I went live on Facebook to bid farewell to my family. Then I lay on the bed and waited for death.”

Kelvin tells his tale unflinchingly. His eyes avoid mine when he gets to the particularly emotional parts. Occasionally, he dabs his left eye with a handkerchief. Whether the tears are from emotion or irritation, I can’t tell. Kelvin is a man still coming to terms with his new reality; a face marred by dreadful scars. An acid attack by a stranger in March 2019 left him physically and mentally scarred and drove him to attempt suicide twice.

He recounts the events of that fateful morning, his voice hushed. “It was a morning like any other for me. I was living in Nanyuki and working for a security company at the time. I woke up early and went to work at around 5 am. Just outside the mall where our office was, a man wearing a mask over his face suddenly emerged from the shadows and splashed a liquid on my face,” Kelvin remembers.

Unprovoked attack?

He thought the masked man would mug him. But the thug dashed off as quickly as he’d appeared. “The air was pungent. My face was burning. My eyes were on fire!” Kelvin recalls. He knew he had been attacked with sulphuric acid. He tried to wipe his face with his hands and felt the skin peel. Now his hands were burning too.

Kelvin cried out to one of the nearby security guards, who helped him wash his face under a running tap. He called a friend, who arrived in minutes and rushed Kelvin to Nanyuki Referral Hospital. “It took three hours to be attended at the hospital. All that time, the acid was burning my skin and damaging my eyes. They only came and gave me two injections, without explaining how they would help me. I was in so much agony I couldn’t think clearly. By this time, I was blind.”

The doctors finally showed up at around 9am. “They rinsed my eyes out with a special liquid. I remember they used up six bottles. I heard them whispering amongst themselves about how there was a good chance I would lose my eyesight for good. My heart sunk. How was I going to adjust to life as a blind person?”

Fearing his attacker would follow him to the hospital, Kelvin vehemently opposed being admitted “They finally let me go home after I promised I would come back for checkups. I was sent home with a pack of tablets and eyedrops,” he says.

His wife, who hadn’t been updated on the morning’s events, was horrified when she first saw his burnt face. “I didn’t want her to panic, so I had asked my friend not to call her. We reported to the police before going home. My wife broke into tears when she saw me.”

It took two weeks for Kelvin to start regaining his sight. “The first time I saw my face in a mirror, I was shocked. “My face looked like nyama choma. The skin had peeled off, leaving open sores which were oozing pus,” he says.

His relatives took him to Kiambu Level 4 Hospital and later Kenyatta National Hospital for further treatment. He later had several surgeries to reconstruct skin on his neck. “My neck had sores which weren’t healing and they had to graft skin from my thigh. Later, they also performed a contracture release surgery, which made my neck more flexible. My neck had grown stiff as I healed.”

As he healed physically, Kelvin’s mental health dipped. “I would joke and laugh when in company. But inside, I was dying. I couldn’t sleep. My appetite and libido were gone. My self esteem had disappeared,” he confesses.

“I would have nightmares. I kept wondering why I had been attacked. Why me? I had only been in Nanyuki for a month and didn’t have any enemies that I was aware of. Who had done this to me? Whenever I found myself alone, I would weep my eyes out,” he adds.

He would be particularly hurt when people made insensitive comments. “Some people would compare how I look with my unscarred face. Such comments made it even harder for me to accept myself,” Kelvin says. Being unable to provide for his family also weighed him down. He started having suicidal thoughts.

One day, when his wife and two young children had left to visit a relative, he finally acted. “I went to a chemist and bought 30 anti-allergy pills. I thought that was enough for me to sleep forever. I took them all and lay on the sofa. Luckily, my next-door neighbour got suspicious when he came knocking and I didn’t answer. He opened the door and found me unconscious. He called other neighbours and they took me to a nearby clinic.”

He was disappointed that his plan had failed. “Nobody even considered that I needed therapy. They just took me back home and that was it.”

His second attempt at suicide was in May, 2019. “I desperately wanted someone to talk to. I called my close friends and all of them were unavailable for one reason or the other. But one sent me some money so I could get out of the house and relax.”

Cry for help

Kelvin traveled to Thika, where he booked a cheap hotel room. It was there where he attempted suicide a second time. “I wanted to succeed this time. I took more Piritons, added a dose of antibiotics, and a bottle of undiluted pesticide. I started thinking of how my family would look for me everywhere. I decided to go on Facebook Live to say my goodbyes.”

He laughs at this. “That was a silly mistake...maybe the last cry for help,” he intimates. “People started calling me but I ignored their calls. I started feeling nauseous and dizzy, which I took as a sign that my plan was working. I lay back on the bed and waited to die,” he confesses.

To his dismay, he was still alive the next morning. In facts, he woke up in perfect health without even the slightest ache in his body. “I had no stomach-ache, nor headache. I hadn’t vomited, so I don’t know how that could be. I was so angry and disappointed I just wept.”

He went downstairs, intending to buy more drugs to complete his mission. Fortunately, a concerned stranger approached him. “My legs were weak, so was staggering slightly and supporting myself on walls. An old man came and asked me if I was alright. I lied to him that I was just drunk. But someone else recognised me from my Facebook video and alerted everyone that I was suicidal,” he says.

As they were talking, Kelvin’s phone started ringing. “They took the phone from me and answered the call. It was from a friend who was trying to trace my whereabouts. The Good Samaritans took me to a nearby hospital as they waited for my friend and wife to arrive.”

He remembers feeling angry and empty. He didn’t want to talk. He deactivated his social media accounts. He was angrier when he was tricked into going to Mathari Mental Hospital where he was forcefully admitted. “I kept telling them I wasn’t mad, but nobody listened to my protests. “

By the time he left the hospital a fortnight later, he had finally accepted his reality. “I was given antidepressants and taken through therapy. I realised my life still had purpose, in spite of my scars. From that point, in May 2019, I have been feeling more positive about my situation. I’m determined to live my life fully,” he says.

What if his attacker was he identified and caught? “No. The perpetrator remains a mystery. Even the CCTV cameras from the mall didn’t help,” Kelvin says. “I still wonder who it could have been. But even if I don’t know my attacker, I have forgiven him. Even if I met him and he tried to explain his reasons, I wouldn’t want to hear them. It wouldn’t change what happened. It wouldn’t give me back my unscarred face. For my own sake, I’ve forgiven him,” Kelvin says.