What makes a man good in bed?

What makes a man good in bed? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

Some of my exes have been deeply disappointing in bed! So, how can I tell whether a new boyfriend will be a good lover?

Good Lover

 Chris says,

Hi, Good Lover!

Watch for confidence and good social skills. Drop dates who are insecure or uptight. Enthusiastic lovers also tend to enjoy their food and to speak with energy and passion.

How your new date starts touching you will reveal whether he’s sensitive to your needs: not too fast, not too slow. Some people hardly touch at all, which implies they don’t really enjoy intimacy, while a gorgeous kiss suggests everything’s going to go well.

You’ll be good together if you often find yourself looking into each other’s eyes and you’re playful and good at teasing one another. Being just a little messy is also good, because perfectionists can struggle to enjoy the faintly yucky and ridiculous aspects of sex!

You must be able to be completely honest and open with one another, because that builds trust and emotional intimacy in the whole of the relationship.

Check that you can also talk about intimacy easily, because a good sex life depends on being completely open about everything in the bedroom. Only then can you understand what works for you both and solve the inevitable problems.

Try to broaden your conversations to include everything concerned with sleeping together. For example, couples who go to bed at different times tend to have disappointing love lives, as do couples where one of them is forever watching movies or checking social media in bed. Couples who sleep naked and cuddle together as they settle down make love more often and are much happier together.

Good lovers are enthusiastic, curious and always interested in their partner’s responses. Good lovers are willing to experiment and to try anything that might be a turn-on. Good lovers can listen to feedback and have a good sense of humour. And couples who approach their whole life together with those attitudes don’t just have a great time in bed; their entire relationship is wonderful.

All the best,

Chris