Changing social trends are wiring couples for divorce

Changing social trends are wiring couples for divorce (Photo: iStock) Winston Churchill, the British PM who left office in 1945, reportedly said that he would read George Orwell's novel, 1984, published in 1949. Did the book inspire him to say, "The empires of the future are empires of the mind"? 1984 depicts a future totalitarian government using media manipulation and advanced technology to control people. This is exactly how data science and Artificial Intelligence (AI) are driving the world. There was a buzz that the Third World War would be fought over water. However, the current world war is a cultural war over minds. Social media has heightened this to crazy levels where algorithms can break you down to seasonal changes in your appetite for ice cream. The areas most hit are relationships and marriage. Kenyan men began by marrying late, now men are not interested in marriage at all. Women began by declaring their power in independence by earning their own money. They then got one or two children and lived their lives. Today more and more women are not shy to announce that they don't have maternal instincts at all. Social media is giving all these people a forum to own their opinions even if they are not happy about it. The net effect is the normalisation of what could not even be discussed a decade ago. Why are we divorcing at an alarming rate while those in marriages are not disturbed by "kugongewa"? A renowned psychologist recently said that the modern world has programmed us to anticipate and prepare for divorce. It is more like dating today equips us with the skills we need to divorce our partners and survive the aftermath. We glean information on how to detach, recover from breakups and keep backup options when in relationships. Even Benjamin Zulu, the shrill psychologist advises against exclusive dating if you are not married. Gottman Institute studied 10,000 couples and ended up predicting with an accuracy of eighty per cent the couples who would divorce within a year. The straw that broke the relationship back was the response to the request for connection. Turning away or responding to a partner's emotional needs. Social media and modern lifestyles have wired us to miss the importance of what appears like an emergency. Social media and dating apps have brought us illusions of options. It is first a distraction and then pushes us to believe there are alternatives out there. You watch what you want anytime. When we had to argue with our partners over the remote control and what to watch, we could watch what we wanted on our phones. Homes have multiple TVs and we can watch our favourite programmes when we have the time, no need to fight over the remote control. We have this belief that we can always get a better partner, a better spouse, a better job and a better life somewhere else. Everyone is obsessed with uploading their best life, filtering out the mundane and boring. We all know that the glamorous life, even for celebrities, doesn't constitute ten per cent of their life. The day-to-day living is exhausting. Social media has also raised our expectations of what we want in partners to unrealistic levels. This has led to loneliness which breeds addiction. The rising cases of mental health issues are proof of the breakdown in human connection. Even people who live under the same roof end up without social or emotional connection. Parents are busy "earning a living" missing out on connecting with their children. Everybody is shouting about boundaries. We never hear about being kind, considerate and generally a decent human being. We go into relationships with a pessimistic posture. Modern life is built on selfishness. It is all about me, my opinions and self-love, yet we know fulfilling relationships have more compromises than drawing lines. Everything else is disposable, so much so that only the civil service accords you a permanent and pensionable job. Everybody else will give you a contract until you can be dispensed with. Everything is dispensable, including the mother or father of your children. The unrealistic expectations of friends and partners have made us believe that we don't belong to our circles, extended families and neighbourhoods. We want to love those who don't love us and those who love other people. The easiest way is to like whoever likes you and leave the non-existent connections and useless crush on celebrities to fantasy. There are people out there for you, going out with them is not settling, but settling down.

Changing social trends are wiring couples for divorce

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