From love to harm: How rejection fuels dangerous entitlement and violence

Many cases of violence stem from the belief that affection, or emotional investment entitles one person to exercise control over another. [Courtesy] Mary Claire, a Seventh-Day Adventist (SDA) singer is fighting for her life at Kenyatta National Hospital after she was doused with acid in what investigators believe was a revenge attack orchestrated by a former lover who could not accept rejection. The 24-year-old, who is a member of the Redemption Ministers Choral Group and daughter of an SDA pastor, was attacked while walking home with a friend in Nairobi's Utawala area. It was an ordinary evening that quickly turned into a nightmare in a matter of seconds. A man identified as Lucas Ochieng reportedly approached her, engaged briefly as though seeking directions, then suddenly splashed a corrosive chemical on her face and tried to flee on a waiting boda boda. The brutality of the act stunned onlookers. Claire's screams pierced the evening calm as her friend and nearby residents rushed to help, pouring water on her in a desperate attempt to dilute the burning chemical. Meanwhile, the attacker's escape quickly unravelled. The boda boda rider, sensing the gravity of the situation as a crowd gathered, abandoned him at the scene. Within moments, an angry mob descended on Ochieng, beating him before police intervened and whisked him away. Mary Claire before and after the attack. [Courtesy] Choir member In custody, Ochieng reportedly confessed that he had been hired to carry out the attack. The alleged mastermind, Elvis Opiyo-a married father of two and a fellow choir member-was later arrested in a coordinated sting operation involving police and former Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko. His arrest has drawn widespread public attention, not only because of the gruesome nature of the crime but also because of what it reveals about the dangerous intersections of love, power, and entitlement. "Her only mistake was choosing to walk away from a relationship, a choice every human being has the right to make," Sonko said in a statement after publicising the arrest. "An attack on Mary is an attack on our collective humanity. We must stand united: violence against women will not be tolerated." As Claire battles for her life, investigators are piecing together what appears to be a chilling narrative of obsession gone wrong. Sources close to the choir say Opiyo had allegedly financed Claire's college education, a gesture that, over time, morphed into a sense of ownership over her life. When Claire graduated and chose to end the relationship, the rejection reportedly triggered a downward spiral. "He couldn't handle the rejection," a witness said. "He felt he had invested on 'dry land' and decided that if he couldn't have her, no one would." That sentiment-disturbing as it is-echoes a mindset that experts say lies at the heart of many cases of gender-based violence in Kenya: the belief that affection, financial support, or emotional investment entitles one person to exercise control over another. Claire's case has sent shockwaves through the church community, where both she and the suspect were active members. The Lighthouse Ministers Nairobi, the umbrella body overseeing the choir, issued a statement condemning the act and confirming the suspect's suspension. "We recognise that the individual allegedly involved is known to our ministry," said chairperson Wicklife Oiro. "However, we wish to state unequivocally that The Lighthouse Ministers neither condones nor is involved in this act. Such conduct is completely contrary to the values, teachings and the faith we uphold." Yet even as the institution speaks, difficult questions linger about trust, safety, and the hidden tensions that can exist within seemingly safe spaces. For many, the idea that such violence could emerge from within a church setting-a place associated with morality and community-has been particularly unsettling. Pleaded guilty Claire's story, however, is far from isolated. In December 2022, Ezra Kemboi a security guard, killed Phyllis Jepleting, a first-year student at Karatina University. The decomposing body of the Bachelor of Education student was found in the suspect's house at Naka estate where neighbours broke in following a foul smell. The late Phyllis Jeruto. [Courtesy] Days later, Kipkemei was traced and arrested in Nandi Hills, where he had gone into hiding. In court, the suspect pleaded guilty of the offense. It is said the man had been assisting financially Jepleting and that the duo were in a relationship. He was recently sentenced to 10 years in jail. A similar incident happened on April 9, 2019, when Ivy Wangeci, a medical student at Moi University was hacked to death in Eldoret town by her jilted boyfriend Naftali Kinuthia who was angered that the woman had left him for another man. In December 2023, High Court in Eldoret sentenced Kinuthia to 40 years in prison for the brutal murder that occurred outside Moi Teaching and Referral Hospital. Justice Stephen Githinji, who had been presiding over the trial before his transfer to Malindi High Court, said the prosecution had proved its case beyond reasonable doubt. In his ruling, the judge dismissed a request by Kinuthia's advocate Wokabi Mathenge who had asked for a non-custodial sentence. "The circumstances of this case do not invite sympathy. The accused denied the deceased a chance to go on with her life, and she would have graduated as a doctor. The manner in which the offence was committed and the reason for its commission calls for a stiff sentence against the convict. I award a custodial sentence of 40 years," Justice Githinji said. Kinuthia had testified that the two had been lovers since 2018. He claimed that their relationship had begun years ago when they were in school, and that he had spent time and money, but Wangeci ignored him. In Nairobi's Umoja estate, a fourth-year Multimedia University student, Godia Stephen, is recovering from severe burns after his girlfriend allegedly poured hot water on him as he slept. The incident, which reportedly followed an argument over suspicions involving an ex-girlfriend, left him with swollen eyes and intense pain. "Maybe she felt I had ignored her as I was going to bed. I was worse than this; my face was swollen. The next morning, my eyes could not see anymore; they were swollen. The wounds were aching, and the pain was very intense," Godia told a local TV station. What followed compounded the trauma. The suspect allegedly fled the house with his mobile phones and transferred over Sh318,000 from his account, leaving him with almost nothing. Godia Stephen. [Courtesy] "When I went to replace my sim card, the mini statement showed me she had transferred all the money, and the money was around Sh318,450. She stole everything and left me with only Sh7," he said, appealing for justice. While these cases differ in context, geography, and gender dynamics, they are united by a common thread: relationships turning violent when one party feels rejected, betrayed, or deprived of control. Grim picture Statistics suggest that such incidents are not anomalies but part of a broader national crisis. According to the World Health Organization, one in three women in Kenya is at risk of sexual or gender-based violence (SGBV). Studies further indicate that 30 per cent of girls and 18 per cent of boys experience sexual violence before the age of 18, while intimate partner violence accounts for as much as 61 per cent of reported cases in some settings. Data from Centre for Rights Education and Awareness (CREAW-Kenya) shows that in 2022 alone, 3,762 GBV cases were reported, with women accounting for the majority-2,985 cases compared to 777 involving men. The most commonly reported forms of violence include physical assault, verbal abuse, and rape. Figures from the National Police Service provide an even more sobering perspective. Between 2022 and 2024, at least 1,700 women were killed in Kenya, with the number rising by 10 per cent over the period. Of those killed, 77 per cent were murdered by individuals known to them, with husbands accounting for 41 per cent. Notably, 66 per cent of the perpetrators were young people aged between 18 and 35. These statistics paint a grim picture of violence that is not random, but deeply rooted in intimate relationships and social structures. Analysts point to entrenched gender norms as a key driver. In many communities, societal expectations still position men as dominant figures and women as subordinate, reinforcing a sense of entitlement over women's bodies, choices, and lives. When these expectations are challenged-whether through rejection, independence, or defiance-the response can, in some cases, turn violent. Research has shown that some perpetrators justify their actions by citing perceived "unwise behaviour" by their partners, while others are influenced by what scholars describe as "sex role stress" - a psychological response triggered when individuals feel they are failing to meet societal expectations of masculinity. In such scenarios, violence becomes a misguided attempt to reassert control. The problem is further compounded by systemic weaknesses in enforcement and support structures. Kenya has, over the years, developed a robust legal framework to address GBV, including the Sexual Offences Act of 2006, the Prohibition of Female Genital Mutilation Act of 2011, and the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act of 2015. These laws provide for a wide range of protections, from criminalising sexual violence to enabling protection orders and compensation for survivors. In addition, policy frameworks such as the National Policy for Prevention and Response to GBV (2014) and the government's 2021 roadmap to end GBV by 2026 have sought to strengthen coordination across sectors, improve access to services, and enhance accountability. A presidential technical working group on GBV and femicide, chaired by Nancy Baraza, has also been tasked with reviewing legal frameworks and recommending measures to address emerging trends. Among the concerns raised by the group is the rise of technology-facilitated gender-based violence, including cyberstalking, online harassment, non-consensual sharing of intimate images, and digital surveillance; forms of abuse that disproportionately target women in public life. The group also highlighted disparities between urban and rural experiences of GBV. In urban areas, survivors often report emotional abuse, economic coercion, workplace harassment, and online violence. In rural and marginalised communities, deeply rooted cultural practices and limited access to justice systems mean that violence is sometimes normalised or resolved through informal mechanisms such as compensation, discouraging formal reporting. Among the recommendations by the TWG is to amend the Sexual Offences Act 2006 to include chemical castration for both male and female child defilers and defilers of PWDs. It also recommends strengthening of the enforcement of existing laws to enable police to enter into domestic resident with or without warrant for the purposes of arresting perpetrator and rescuing the victim of violence and Establishing a national sex offender registry and a notification system for repeat GBV offenders for the purpose of making it accessible to the public. Despite these efforts, significant gaps remain. Marital rape "Practical hurdles compound these flaws. Weak enforcement yields low conviction rates. Police often dismiss domestic violence as a 'family matter' leaving survivors to endure stigma and secondary victimization as prosecutions drag in most instances," says lawyer Essendi Kenneth. According Essendi, resource constraints continue to hinder progress, with many counties lacking adequate GBV centres, shelters, and trained personnel. "Kenya's GBV laws are a beacon of potential, yet loopholes like marital rape and enforcement inertia betray survivors. The 2026 Roadmap demands action. Parliament must repeal Section 43(5), fund infrastructure, and harmonise digital laws. Civil society, counties, and citizens must hold leaders accountable. Only then will progressive design translate to lived protection," he states. Beyond the legal and policy frameworks, the human cost of GBV remains profound. Survivours often face long-term physical injuries, psychological trauma, and economic hardship. In cases like Claire's, the impact is particularly devastating. Acid attacks are among the most brutal forms of violence, designed not only to cause pain but to permanently disfigure, leaving survivours to grapple with lifelong medical, emotional, and social challenges. They are acts intended to mark, to punish, and to send a message. And that message, in many cases, is about control. Last year's case of Millicent Semeita Rotiken, a pregnant woman who was assaulted by her brothers in Narok for refusing a forced marriage, underscored how deeply such control can be embedded within families and communities. The incident, captured on video, sparked national outrage and led to arrests, but it also highlighted the persistent tension between individual rights and traditional expectations. As Kenya continues to grapple with these realities, the question is no longer whether GBV exists, but why it persists despite laws, policies, and growing public awareness. For now, Mary Claire remains in a hospital bed at Kenyatta National Hospital, her life hanging in the balance. Her story-like those of countless others-serves as a stark reminder of the dangers that can arise when love is entangled with power, and when rejection is perceived not as a right, but as a provocation.

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