Why most couples regret their relationships

Have you ever bought something that at the time seemed like a great idea then and then later regretted it? That’s what is called buyer’s remorse. You bought something that looked really good in the shop and that made absolute sense at the time but a little while after you bought it, you wondered what you were thinking!

Unfortunately, many people are experiencing ‘buyer’s remorse’ in their relationships today. Where once there was the excitement of romance, today, they can’t stand the sight of each other. Instead, emotional scars, broken hearts, baby drama, abortions, manipulation and the bitterness of betrayal are what remain: In other words, buyer’s remorse. Many married people feel trapped in marriages to people they realise they should never have dated. They, too, are suffering from ‘buyer’s remorse’.

 The biggest reason for buyer’s remorse in our relationships today is because we start our relationships on the basis of romantic feelings rather than on genuine friendship. Hollywood and the media have fueled the myth that romance is all you need. Modern relationships start with infatuation and move directly to intimacy, bypassing everything in between! We are completely unaware about how destructive this approach is to our hope of ever finding lasting relationships.

Entering a relationship based on feelings alone hinders your ability to truly know the other person. That is when you realise the song, The heart is not so smart, is very true. So what happens when the feelings fade? Because they inevitably will. The chemical-induced high that we call ‘falling in love’ was not meant to last a lifetime! If your brain continued producing the chemicals that made you starry-eyed when you met your significant other, it would be destructive for you. A junkie, you would be unable to function normally or to build a long-term relationship. You see, true love is not based just on feelings but on friendship, commitment, trust and shared values. Feelings are the result, not the cause of these things.

 Entering a relationship based on feelings alone also isolates you from vital friendships. Many couples today are so in love that they really isolate themselves from their close friends and family members. Sadly, with time, when they have issues in their relationship, they have no one to turn to for advice.

 Being fun on a date does not necessarily equate with the ability to be a good marriage partner. You need to see the other person in the real-life settings of a church, family and friends. How does he interact with the people who know him best? How does she react when things don’t go well? How is his relationship with his mother and sisters? Who are her close friends? Two years into your marriage, these are the questions that will really count — they have to do with character, not feelings.

 To avoid buyer’s remorse, friendship must come before intimacy!