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Confessions: I am only attracted to married men, is something wrong with me?

Relationships
 I lust over married men, how can I stop? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I hate to admit it, but I always seem to end up with married men. Whenever a single guy shows an interest in me, I barely even notice him.

But this changes the minute he is taken! So that I instantly start lusting after him. I need to get out of this habit for my own sake, and of course for the sake of their partners. How do I do this?

Married Guys

Chris says,

Hi, Married Guys!

Most women find themselves attracted to a whole lot of different men. So if you find that you are always going for the same sort of guys then there is a reason. Usually from way back.

Because as adults we tend to seek out emotional situations like those in our childhood. So if your parents were not around much for you, then you are used to feeling ignored. And you seek partners who neglect you.

If your parents fought, you are likely to go for someone to fight with. That may sound odd, but it is because your subconscious tends to steer you towards what it is used to.

So why are you always falling for guys who are married? Once is bad luck. But fall for several and you are deliberately choosing them. And probably because of things that happened during your childhood.

If your parents neglected you, then you could be choosing guys who cannot be there for you either. Or if your parents kept putting you down, you end up feeling you do not deserve to be loved. Coming a poor second to someone else’s partner is all your subconscious thinks you have a right to.

You are also likely to end up chasing married men if you have become scared of intimacy. Perhaps because you were physically or emotionally abused by parents or past lovers. So you do not want anyone to get close to you again. So you choose people who cannot.

So what can you do about it? Well, start by thinking about earlier relationships. And your childhood. Does any of it apply to you? What about how your partners make you feel now? Think through your past and decide to put it behind you.

Then think about all the good things about yourself. All your attitudes, interests, and what you like doing. That is exactly what you want in a partner. So make it a long and detailed list.

Drop anyone after the first few dates if they are not a pretty good match with your list. And make a point of only mixing with guys who are nice to you. And single. That way you only have nice single guys to fall for! Do not laugh, it will work!

All the best,

Chris

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