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My husband has told a work colleague that he's in love with her

 Photo: Courtesy

How else could he explain the fact that he’d texted back to say how good she looks and that he loves her, too, and that he wants to kiss her on the neck?

I’ve been happily married for 18 months now. Recently though, I looked at my hubby’s phone and saw that he was exchanging texts with a girl who reports to him at work.

She has told him she adores him, loves him more than anything and that she’s felt this way for four years. She claims not to want anything in return or to ruin our marriage. However, my husband wants to “make her feel better” about her unrequited love – well, that’s the explanation he gave me when I confronted him over the messages.

How else could he explain the fact that he’d texted back to say how good she looks and that he loves her, too, and that he wants to kiss her on the neck?

I took things into my own hands and texted her back from his phone to say I was aware of these messages and had lost all respect for her.

I accused my husband of cheating on me and it caused a huge row. He was furious I’d been snooping and said I should never have looked at his phone, and that it proves I don’t trust him.

When things calmed down, he said I’m the one he loves and this “friendship” with his colleague is “just a phase”. But he’s still texting and calling her and has changed the password on his mobile.

I want to trust him and I want our marriage to work, but I just can’t at the moment. I think he’s lying to me and that he wants us both. What do I do? Am I being stupid and overthinking this, or am I being played?

Coleen says

No, you’re not being stupid or overthinking it. He’s totally playing you.

He’s loving the fact this girl is paying him so much attention and his ego is out of control. Who knows if they’ve crossed the line from flirting to sleeping together. But, even if they haven’t, what he’s doing is entirely unacceptable.

If you want to work at your marriage you need to get very tough with him.

Tell him you want access to his phone – if he has nothing to hide and you can trust him, then he shouldn’t have a problem with that. The reason you have a password for your phone is so strangers and thieves can’t crack it – not so you can hide messages to other women from your wife.

He also needs to text this girl telling her to stop sending messages because he loves you and that she’s wasting her time if she thinks there can be anything between them.

And you need to see that message.

If he won’t do those things to put your mind at rest and help you to trust him again, then he’s clearly not taking your marriage seriously.

One thing I’ve learned is if your gut instinct is telling you someone is lying to you, they probably are.

It’s tough when you’re newly married and love your husband, but if you walk away you will eventually get over the heartbreak. Then you’ll wonder ‘Why did I ever put up with that rubbish?’

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