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Girl code: When age is more than just a number

Readers Lounge - By Beryl Wanga Itindi | October 19th 2020 at 11:00:58 GMT +0300
Society always has something to say about the ages of two people in love (Photo: Shutterstock)

There has always been an issue when it comes to age difference in relationships. Somehow, society always has something to say about the ages of two people in love.

If you date an older person, people will talk, if you date a younger person, there will always be something to say. Woe unto you if you decide to play it safe by dating an age mate. You will hear all sorts of talk about your relationship. This got me asking, is age really a deciding factor when it comes to dating? I mean, as long as it is between two consenting adults.

We have witnessed success stories of marriages with huge age differences going both upwards and downwards. We have equally witnessed relationships that have failed due to age difference. So I bet it would be okay to say, it all depends on the commitment between the two parties.

I have dated an age mate, an older person and a younger person. The only issue here is that I dated this younger person unknowingly. I came to know about his age deep into the relationship.

Once, when we were out on a date, he happened to bend to tie his shoelace when his identity card, which he had placed in his shirt pocket fell off. Being the well-mannered lady I am, I helped by picking it up because it had somehow slid further from the point of fall. Someone once said ‘Udaku haitaki uzembe’, so I multi-tasked as I picked it up while using my hawk eyes to check the date of birth. He had initially told me that he was four years older. Shock on me when I saw his birth date!

This man was nine years younger! I mean, by the time he was letting out his first cry on earth, I was already in Standard Three, carrying a lunch box and kneeling in front of the class for making noise in class. Call me petty but that alone made me break up with him. I broke up with him because he lied to me. If he could lie about his age, what else was he capable of lying about? Telling me that he is pregnant with my child?

After the break up, little things started falling into place -- like why he cried whenever we had a misunderstanding. Usually, it's the women who are known to be crybabies, but in this relationship, I was automatically the ‘Mover and shaker’.

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Also, I was always the one looking out for him. Just like a two-year-old, whenever he went quiet for some time, he was always up to something mischievous. He would sulk whenever I confronted him about an issue and I'd have to beg him to speak. That was too much work for me. In fact, if ever we get to heaven, I shall tell the Almighty that I already suffered on earth because of that relationship.

When I was dating my age-mate, we were forever in competition, either of us trying to prove to the other that she/he was better. Everything in that relationship had been divided into two. We did not care about the man being ‘The head of the family’. We both were equal heads of that ‘family'. At some point, we drifted apart as we became too entitled.

One time, he paid his half of the rent and told the caretaker I was going to pay the other half. Who does that? Of course, unless we had an agreement. All this because we were in competition -- we saw ourselves as people of the same might.

When we couldn’t take any more of our own games, we broke up. The break up was equally dramatic as both of us wanted to be the first to say, “it’s over”. We ended up arguing about who broke up with who!

My experience with someone way older than me was not any better as I ended up being reprimanded daily like a child. It was always, “Beryl stop it! Beryl come here! Beryl this, Beryl that.” I was there more to be seen than to be heard because, “I did not know anything about life”. Here too, I got tired and ended the relationship.

I am not saying relationships don't work. Relationships can work regardless of the age difference, as long as two adults share a love bond. As for me and whoever will marry me, all I need is love. I might not have mentioned money but trust me, it’s somewhere inside that love.

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Girl Code Dating

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