Girl code: Say no to ‘serious’ relationships

Today, I come before all ye men of the earth to ask why some of you are too serious about life. Not even an ounce of humour in your lives!

You know, some of us were born laughing, so we can basically laugh about anything -- of course, if it’s worth the laugh. But some of you serious men make dating such an uphill task for us eating life with a big spoon. A simple joke is enough to break up a relationship that has stood the test of time.

I will never forget how I was once left in a restaurant during a lunch date all because of a joke. About 30 minutes into our date, I innocently joked to him telling him how he should date a better person than me if we ever broke up.

By the way, I was giggling while saying it because it sounded funny. I even went ahead to explain to him how I would laugh at him if we ever broke up and I saw him with someone worse than I was. That’s how he stood up and left me talking to myself. The man refused to talk to me for like three weeks after that ordeal. I remember sitting in the restaurant for some time thinking he would walk back in. Let’s just say I sat there till Kingdom came.

That experience got me thinking a lot! What exactly was annoying about my joke? I probably view things differently from most people. I seriously never thought it would piss him off. From then on, I had to start regulating my words whenever I was around him. I even stopped laughing at funny stuff around us.

Like there was a time we were sitting in his car waiting for his friend so we could give him a ride home. As we sat there catching up on the day’s events, his friend, a man, appeared from across the road with his girlfriend. The friend started imitating the girlfriend’s walking style by walking like a woman towards the car. That sight got me laughing out loud and, again, it earned me a short break up for a week.

After a year or so of feeling suffocated in this relationship, we finally called it quits. I mean, I was born laughing, I just can’t stand a no-nonsense man as a spouse. Surprisingly, these same no-nonsense men somehow get attracted to jokers like me. What I don’t understand is why some of them cannot stand the jokes once they’re in the relationship.

I have seen many of my female friends suffer in the hands of such men. I once went to visit one who told me to whisper as we were catching up in her house because her husband doesn’t like people laughing all over his house. So, now I ask, how am I supposed to catch up in whispers? Catching up is sweeter when it has some volume and laughter in it. There’s no way you are going to make me hiss like a snake when talking about the adventures I have been through. Just how do some talkative women like me survive in the hands of these men? It’s true what they say about love -- that it’s blind.

I love men who are vibrant and accommodating, not those who will shut me up when I get back home from work yet I have juicy stories lined up from here to South Korea. Some men will only engage you in a talk when they want to talk about a serious issues. The rest of the time, they will just sit there and stare into space as though they are part of the furniture in your house.

If I ever get married, it will be to a man who will help me peep through our curtain at night so I can laugh at drunkards staggering home. I want one who will help me hide the visitors’ shoes so we can  enjoy the look on their faces when it’s time to leave.

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