I have been sitting here wondering if, maybe, I am the only one who struggles with waking up very early in the morning. It even baffles me how some people manage to not only wake up that early but also take a cold bath at that hour. Just how do people enjoy cold showers at dawn? I cannot even stand one when the sun is high up!
I remember visiting Mombasa with friends some years back and insisting on a hot shower as my friends' behinds shivered under cold showers while trying to convince me it was fun.
To say the truth, the moment cold water touches my skin, it lands on a nerve that immediately sends signals to my duodenum. It then alerts my oesophagus about the foreign bodies on me then my heart starts skipping beats. Before we proceed, if you actually tried to understand the previous sentence, you sure need some very cold shower to jumpstart your day.
I remember how horrible my life was back in a boarding primary school. Just the thought of having to take a cold shower each dawn was enough to give me a migraine. We had to wake up as early as 4.30am and take cold showers in makeshift bathrooms that knew no privacy.
How some pupils managed to pour water on their bodies with so much ease is something I am yet to understand years later. They always made it look so easy yet it was hell on earth.
I, on the other hand, would stand next to my bucket of water and would recite the Lord ’s Prayer more than three times before allowing the water to get into contact with my body. I can swear that, even now, that cold water is harmful to human body. No one is going to convince me otherwise.
Sometimes, when I hear my colleagues at work talk about cold showers, I can only stare at them. Who would wake up and just decide to take a cold shower? Only heroes do that.
Whenever I visit a place where I am expected to take a cold shower, I immediately cut my stay short. I detest negative energy! There’s no way I can pay you a visit and then you make me take a cold bath!
I know, I know, you all are going to tell me that cold baths are healthier, better for my skin and all that. Did I complain about my skin to anyone? If anything, like I said initially, it’s cold water that makes me sick to the bone. Only my former schoolmates in primary know how much cold showers affect my well-being.
Our makeshift bathroom back in the day didn’t make my life any better. We started freezing even before we took our clothes off. Then there were those pupils who had mastered the art of splashing water all over when taking a shower -- like some dolphin trying to impress tourists.
There was equally that stubborn group of human beings who would strategically position themselves to be the first to pour cold water on those of us who had to call a small meeting in our heads before making any contact with water.
You people think witches fly on brooms somewhere in the sky right? Hell no, witches are right here with us. I experienced them first hand in school. I mean, why would it bother you that I am taking ages to start taking my shower? Are you the one in my body? By the way, not that I am advocating unhealthy living, but if there’s no hot water, I am not taking a shower!
If you insist, I will get into the bathroom, you will hear water sounding paa paa paaaa, then you will see me walk out slaying with a smile on my face. Just don’t start interrogating me on what transpired in the bathroom.
I know you are trying to imagine what inspired me to talk about this. Well, I just got into a relationship with someone who takes cold showers and, to prove that he’s romantic, he wants me to start taking showers with him. Let’s just say my relationship has come to an abrupt end. No way I am walking into that torture chamber with my eyes and ears wide open!