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Opinion: Ways to correct an errant wife

My Man

If Carol thought she is the best in being passive-aggressive, she was mistaken. If she thought she has the monopoly of being childish, she has learnt the hard way. You hate that you are doing this as an adult, but it sounds like a good game the two of you should play. You are equally good in over-reacting.

For three straight nights, you have barely touched whatever she has cooked. True, her cooking has improved remarkably after you unleashed the best beef wet fry last week, but you only touch her food and eat with so much casual disinterest, before leaving it there. Of course, you have already had roasted steak and potatoes out there, even as you misbehave with her food. You are full in your tummy and full of the mischief. Like what you are about to pull.

You tinker with the idea of inviting a relative to stay with you for a week. You want the most demanding, noisome, gossipy relative you can think of. Someone to rattle the fiercely private Carol. Someone to grate her nerves. Your mother perhaps. Or your sister Lucy. You want Lucy to come and stay with you for a week. Carol will have no one to complain to.

Luckily for her, Lucy is not available for a week, but she will be around for a weekend -- good enough -- with her son, easily the most annoying and entitled kid. Serves Carol right. So, Carol arrives from salon on a Saturday afternoon to find you chatting animatedly with Lucy. You know they don't quite get along. Both are narcissistic, your sister the sanguine one and Carol the reticent one.

Your marriage is young, so they must pretend to be cordial to each other. And don't you like their phony politeness? As you play with your nephew, Carol and Lucy must fix something for the two men in the house. As soon as they start the kitchen business, you disappear with the nephew to the supermarket. You can only guess how punitive that is for Carol. What will they talk about? Will Carol tell her of the current Cold War going on. It will be three hours before you return, which you are sure is an eternity for Carol. In better times, she would have hidden behind you in a way, to cover for her insecurity. You know Lucy can be overbearing.

When you arrive, they have not stabbed each other. They are having juice, talking about hair and talking something or the other about The Wendy Williams Show. You make your first eye contact with Carol. Through the eye contact, you both establish that this is all a charade to punish her. She smiles, inwardly, knowingly. They serve dinner and there is some chit-chat about general stuff. Carol sensing what you are about to pull, suggest that you all go out, as soon as the boy is asleep. She can't stand your sister without you being around. You oblige.

When you go out, you notice Carol is drinking too much deliberately. You notice she is a bit touchy-feely. You can sense her thawing, kinda sexy. Reminds you of so many things. She is actually reconciliatory. Except that you have a morning flight that you haven't told her about in advance. You will be away for two weeks, work-related, but essentially you want to teach her a lesson on loneliness.

@nyanchwani

[email protected]

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