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Home / Marriage Advice

Confessions: Am I taking my husband for granted

 How do I show him my love and appreciation, in ways that seem natural? 

Hi Chris,

I’ve started to realise that as the years have gone by I’m taking my husband more and more for granted. Somehow I’m always just too busy to show him what he means to me. Actually, to be honest, I think I’ve always found things like expressing appreciation a little awkward. I think I did it reasonably well when we were newlyweds, but right now I’ve seem to have completely got out of the habit.

And sometimes I catch him looking at me, as if to say he’s feeling hurt.

So how do I show my love and appreciation, in ways that seem natural, relaxed and not embarrassing?

Appreciation

——

Hi Appreciation!

Appreciating your husband unselfconsciously, starts with just doing stuff around the house without being asked. Especially doing one of his chores when he’s had a bad day. He’ll know you care simply because you just did it.

Likewise offering him that last cookie or asking if you can get him something. Simple acts of kindness, without keeping score.

He’ll also love you for holding your tongue whenever he annoys you. Just because he tolerates your temper doesn’t make it any nicer. And cut the condescension and snide remarks. There’s a difference between being honest and always focusing on the negative.

When he’s working hard, tell him how much you appreciate his efforts. Likewise, when he helps you with your chores. Try to avoid criticising him for not looking after the kids exactly the way you do. Resentment will build, and he’ll quickly stop trying.

If he calls to say that he’ll be late, don’t get upset. Instead, thank him for letting you know.

Tell your kids what you love about their dad. Tell his family. Don’t let others disrespect him, and don’t compare him to other men, such as your father, brothers or friends. They may be great people, but so’s your husband!

Don’t push the budget. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. And try not to whine about your standard of living or the things that you don’t have.

Make hellos and goodbyes special. Stop what you’re doing and spend a few minutes together. Agree some ‘media free’ time every evening so you can fully focus on each other.

Flirt with him. Men feel most appreciated when they know their spouse enjoys being intimate. So always make lovemaking fun, take the initiative and suggest new ideas! And put sex on your schedule. Sounds unromantic, but it’s a sure way to keep things up to speed.

Surprise him with some beer, a takeaway and a movie. Cuddle up and read together. Walk and sit closer together. Give him great eye contact. Actively listen to him. Ask leading questions to get him talking about his day. Talk about what brought you together.

And the magic between you will never fade.

All the best,

Chris

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