I don't think I'm doing it right

Hi Chris,

Ever since the children came along, I've had the feeling that I'm not getting things right in the bedroom anymore. My husband never says anything, but I know. What am I doing wrong?

Bedroom Woes

Hi Bedroom Woes!

It's all too easy to let intimacy slip once you have kids. But when the children are to bed, your husband still wants to see a hint of that lovely wild girlfriend he fell in love with! It will help to signal your mood.

Try to develop a whole range of little wordless cues that tell each other precisely what's on the agenda for the evening. Little coded phrases, or a piece of music or clothing that announces exactly what you want.

Following the same old routine also reduces your enjoyment of each other. So anytime he suggests something you've never done before, give it some thought! Even if all his ideas sound simply dreadful, at least try some of them. And make a few suggestions of your own.

Rushing off to the bathroom immediately afterwards is another big turn off. So relax and enjoy the moment, no matter how sweaty things have become. Freshening up after a hard day at the office is a great idea of course. But keep it to a few minutes in the bathroom before the evening begins.

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Any time you like something he's doing in bed, be sure to speak up. But keep quiet if he's doing something you don't like. Talk about what works for you, because that's the best way to get what you want. Ask your husband about what turns him on, and talk about some of your fantasies together.

Above all, don't expect things to be super successful every time. So don't worry about a bad night. He's most likely trying too hard, or you've had a more stressful day than usual.

All the best,

Chris