Long term relationships are a function of time, work, patience and commitment. Any relationship whose faoundation is love, shouldn't be instant because as they say, love grows. On the contrary, dating apps and hook-ups in the present day have made relationships instant - like coffee. And short term. One Saturday afternoon, I'm in the village under a tree watching my son and his cousins play kalongolongo. I'm in my father's compound again for the umpteenth December holidays after several boring dates in the city. I had a clear sense that I needed to try online dating after a friend told me the boyfriend she found on Tinder is an awesome human.

I quickly download Tinder and create an appealing profile. Do a few swipes on the male profiles to find a match; I hear you pick a number of them then (delete) one by one til you finally 'settle' on 'the one'. Seven minutes inside the house of Tinder and some character is already asking if we could swap nudes! Wueh! Like, my profile is just seven minutes old; bro, nudes?

Another one is here asking if we could Netflix and Chill. Well, exhausting tu. I get tired and just decide, okay, I'm staying here to watch how people manage to stay sane in this Tinder world of weird characters. Responding 'hey' to all the boring and horny 'hey beautiful' messages from strangers, swiping to check their profiles and photos, fake or otherwise.