Why men act stupid in marriages

“Wanaume ni wajinga!” You overhear some two women in their 30s talk in a restaurant. The one with the verdict is a boisterous, patently disrespectful woman that you hate on the spot. But does she have a point? Are men that stupid?

Recently, your elderly uncle told you that for a marriage to work, “a man sometimes has to act stupid.”

“Sometimes act like you are blind. Act like you are deaf. That way, you can save a marriage. Don’t respond to her, don’t get angry. It is in their way to provoke you to the bone,” he told you. When your uncle speaks, you listen. Wisdom oozes from every pore of his body.

It reminded you of a joke someone shared on WhatsApp recently: A man quarrels with the wife daily and he was getting a bit agitated and was about to turn violent. He goes to see a marriage counselor.

“We quarrel every day with my wife. I am going nuts. How will I make her stop quarreling with me?”

The counselor advises him to buy chewing gum. “Every time she starts quarreling, chew the gum. Just chew.”

The man goes home, and sure as tomorrow will be on Friday, the wife starts quarreling him. The man chews the gum the whole damn time and mid-way the wife stops and leaves him alone.

He goes back to the counselor and asks him, “what does a chewing gum got to do with her shutting up?”

“It is not the gum, it is you not responding to her that made her leave.”

Moral of the story, when a wife picks a war, most men prefer silence to responding in kind. As your uncle said, “Women will always find a reason to quarrel. It is in their nature to be dissatisfied with everything, and quarrel all the time.”

It is the wisdom that most young men lack and see why most young marriages are strained. Men are not emotionally mature to handle the inevitable female outbursts or any female behaviour that rankles men.

This includes persistent nagging, being overly insecure, being overly needy, being excessively materialistic and wanting to keep up with the Joneses.

Inherently, not everything a woman complains or quarrels about is a bad thing. But their timing is always awful.

It is always when you want to sleep. When you are in the middle of a something serious. When you just want to chill. And then, their language. Women can have these spiteful tongues, are often their bane and can be the bane of the marriage.

The reason an elderly man would tell you to always look away, and never ever try to argue with a woman. Let her be met with a stony silence or monosyllabic answers. Talk to her in better times when they are rational.

Because trying to talk sense to her when she angry is a waste of time. Carol and your exes have taught you as much. So sometimes, act strategically foolish.

@nyanchwani

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