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My friend is flirting with my wife openly


This week’s topic

I have a friend I have known for several years. He has always flirted with my wife openly even in my presence. His affection for her was open, but I dismissed it until he started calling her several times a day sometimes even when he is drunk. Recently, she was admitted in hospital and what I saw raised my antennae.  He went out of his way to visit her every day, bringing her flowers and ice cream. I am starting to feel disrespected but I don’t know how to handle this situation. I want him out of her life, but I also don’t want to appear insecure. Please help me… {Jason}

Your take

You should never trust your wife with another man regardless of whether he is the best friend you ever had or your twin brother. Put an end to this now; otherwise, he will beat you at your game in your own compound. You have every right to jealously protect your wife. Make this a man-to-man talk – don’t involve her.



Put the friendship aside and deal with this issue amicably, and with caution. Ask her why she is tolerating this. Something fishy is going on here and you must stay alert.



The two are lovers and you need to put a stop to this. Your wife is yours and should not be shared.

{Ojou Robert}


You have allowed this man to invade your family in the name of a friend. Tell him to stop and demand that he respects your family. Also, get your wife’s opinion about the issue.

{John Mogeni}


Nothing good can come out of this situation and if you are not careful, you may lose your wife to that man.

{Peter arap Sambu}


If you do not want to appear jealous, it is your marriage you are putting at risk. Tell him to stop and if he doesn’t, involve some mutual friends but also find out how your wife feels about the gestures and involve her in every move; it will be more effective that way.

{Tasma Charles}


The wise man said that where there is smoke, there is fire. When a man appears to be so close to your wife to the extent of visiting her in hospital and bringing her flowers, you have every reason to be alarmed. Tell your wife to come clean or else you will leave her.

{Macharia wa Jamo}


Jason, I think you have entertained this nonsense for too long. As a man, you need to have a serious chat with your wife and the man in question. This woman is not just your girlfriend, she is your wife, and I am assuming you paid dowry for her. The beauty of this is that you are all adults. So if these two — your wife and his playboy — want to go ahead with their fling, they should be honest with you so that you get a divorce from her and move on. There is a saying that says life is too short, so do not let somebody take your happiness and hold you hostage in a marriage that is going nowhere. Mwanaume ni kuona mbele!

{Caroline Migaa}

Counsellor’s take

Jason, there is nothing insecure about protecting what’s yours. There comes a time when a man has to mark his territory. This man is definitely taking you for granted and it is your responsibility to speak up.

You need to have a sober conversation where you will present the facts and address issues man to man. You need answers as to what is going on between these two.

This woman is your wife, so you should just tell him to stay off.

However, it shouldn’t stop with him; talk to her as well and share your feelings about this. She is also part of the problem, having entertained him this long. She should also be sensitive to your feelings and protect you from all these drama. She is just as much to blame as he is. Be firm with both of them and let them know that whatever they are doing is unacceptable.

If he is not ready to end his friendship with her, then you should be ready to end yours with him and deal with him as an outsider.



In the next issue:

My husband has been an alcoholic for 12 years. He stopped drinking for two years then went back. He got addicted while schooling in the US. Even though he is good at work, I think they keep him on humanitarian grounds. He gets off work at 3pm, drinks himself silly then walks home hurling insults and obscenities at everyone, including estate children. I have lost all my love and respect for him, and I am tired of all the embarrassment he has caused us. I want to leave but I don’t know how. I am now in love with another man.

Please advise. {Susan} 

Photo: www.flyguychronicles.com

Dear readers, this column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. next week, we will publish your comments and advice. kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your CONFESSION for discussion in this forum before TUESDAY.


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