It is no longer unusual to come across stories of ladies narrating their ordeal in the hands of men they had cared for, trusted and entrusted with their lives. News headlines have been dominated by cases of violence against women and femicide but it doesn’t end there.
There is a huge number of women who are still battling wounds of emotional torture as they try to get their lives back together. This is usually after someone they allowed into their lives took advantage of them and left them grappling for air. Call them wolves in sheep skin, there are men who have dedicated themselves to building relationships with unsuspecting women for malevolent gains.
Women over the weekend opened up about this emerging breed of men who are only out to fleece them of their money under the guise of love.
Amakove Wala, a trained medical doctor well-known for championing for the voice of women, called on women who have been taken advantage of and conned by their partners in the flatter of romantic relationships to share their experiences.
Probably a mirror of just how rotten the dating field has become, the post has gotten more than 7500 comments with almost 1000 shares. Here are some of the confessions:
I supported him, bought him a suit for his dowry ceremony
Like most of the confessions, a lady anonymously narrated how she fell in love and dated a sweet and charming man. Since he was only starting his business, she supported him financially even paying his office rent.
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She bought him suits so that he looked presentable when meeting clients and helped service his car. One day he said he needed to do a presentation in Kigali and asked her to help him get a suit and some cash for accommodation and moving around.
She gave him Sh80k only to meet one of his friends after the weekend who tells her that her supposed boyfriend had really outdone himself over the weekend when he went to pay dowry for ‘his girl.’
The friend went ahead to ignorantly ask her to congratulate her friend (boyfriend), clearly unaware that the two were dating.
I lost our child, he settled the hospital bill but had my parents to pay him back
Narrating her story from back when she was a student, a lady shares that her man, a businessman, made her close up her small businesses so that they would start a business together.
Unknown to her, the boyfriend was already married to another lady. While she never saw the profits from their joint business, she also had a miscarriage and the man never helped settle the hospital bill only blaming her for losing their child.
Admitting that she couldn’t control her feelings for him, they got back together when he separated with his wife and soon she was expecting a child, again.
When she got the news that he was going to pay dowry for another woman, the shock and stress interfered with her pregnancy and her water broke at only 26 weeks of pregnancy.
While she lost the baby, the man settled the hospital bill but maintained that it was a loan and he had her parents pay back the cash.
I did shopping for his ‘mother’ - another lady expecting his child and living with him
Another anonymous lady shared: “He was an MOI (medical officer intern) then. We just began as acquaintances and later on became good friends.
“Dude could keep telling me how him family was suffering and they didn't have money. He would keep reminding me that he's a peasant's son.
“Well, ladies have this thing of pity. I actually felt sorry for him. He slowly started coming for meals every single day claiming that he was sending all his money to mother. He never came for supper even with a single packet of milk.
“Shock on me, I later found out that he was living with another intern who he had impregnated. I'd buy him shopping thinking that indeed he's suffering and since he claimed that he would pay back the money. Alitoroka after internship with all the cash I lent him. He was a conman.”
From a neighbour to a lover to a thief stealing my household items
“I was a single mum with twins, girls. There was this guy a neighbour he started by being a friend then being good to my kids, you know to get to a woman is by pretending to be good to her kids.
“One thing led to another and we're in a relationship with the dude, I don't know how but he ended up moving in to my house, a house I was paying the rent and catering for everything, including his needs. He always said he had some business coming through but I never really saw the results.
“I was balancing school plus work and being a mum. Then I noticed small things in the house started disappearing, like hard disks, money, and heater. Then one day someone withdrew money from my ATM.
“My gut feeling was him. I started becoming more suspicious because he never brought anything on the table just business that never came to be. So I pushed and got the name of the alleged business partner, I did my investigation and got a name. I tried to reach out but never got much information about the guy.
“One day I got tired of this guy and sent him parking, he had the guts of trying to force himself on me and blamed it on the alcohol. He pleaded with me not to kick him out at night he will leave in the morning and I was merciful, little did I know that he was planning to steal from me.
“He stole my ATMs, laptop, and medical books, anything he could carry while I was at work. Luckily he didn't touch my kids.” Another lady anonymously shared.
I fell in love, sent him money thinking he was busy to go to the bank but actually he was in prison
Beth, as she calls herself on Facebook, had this to share: “I met a guy online. I was depressed and struggling. I shared on FB so he knew. He called me every day. He offered what I was looking for at the time. Emotional support. I fell in love.
“He was "out of town" and was to come to me in a few months so we can start our own little family. Love each other. Give each other the support we didn't receive from family. I told him all my secrets. Fell in love with him.
“I sent him airtime, cash etc because he was too busy to go to the bank. I'm not ready to share everything right now coz it still breaks my heart. But just know something, all along, THE IDIOT WAS IN PRISON.”