MIKE MSWATI looks at why it's easy for ladies to end relationships, yet men find it very hard and even stick in dead ones, pretending all is well. Or move on without ending stale ones
When prominent Uasin Gishu farmer Jackson Kibor, 83, recently divorced his 68-year-old wife people were not only shocked at the fact that the marriage had lasted 52 years. One other thing that got people talking was the fact that it was Kibor who had instituted ending of the union. Most of the divorce cases are always instigated by women.
Fact that the matter took years in court partly explains just how difficult it is for a man to divorce or end a relationship with a woman. Where men have tried to divorce their wives, it always turns nasty and boomerangs on them. We have, for instance, had cases where court orders have been issued, with men being forced to live with the wives they have tried to divorce. ?
Ease with which women dump men
When you ask women for reasons why they would divorce a husband or end a relationship, the day will end with more reasons still coming through fast and furious. Put in another way, it's easy to dump a man than it is for a man to do so to a woman.
Take, for instance, cheating; a common reason as to why most marriages and relationships end. On this, men — like clumsy hyenas that some of them are — tend to be more prone to silly blunders, which makes it very easy for them to be caught and dumped.
Men hardly cover their tracks. From lodging receipts and used condoms forgotten in pockets to incriminating Facebook, SMS and WhatsApp chats. Because of these stupid mistakes, it only takes a conniving woman a week or so to catch and dump a cheating man.
We talked to men and women and they gave insightful perspectives and interesting reasons as to why it’s more difficult to end a relationship with a woman than a man.
Steve Kariuki, a taxi driver, out rightly confesses that throughout his dating years before he got married, he always found it extremely difficult to end a relationship with a girlfriend.
“Considering the notion (among womenfolk) that all men are guilty until proven innocent, their mistakes pile up so easily, giving women necessary ammunition and justification to end a relationship or marriage,” says Kariuki, as he expresses sympathy for men, whom he claims are at times accused of not being gentlemen by merely dumping a woman.
Unlike men, women aren’t used to rejection
Kariuki says men hardly whine or protest about getting dumped because they are always socialized to psychologically expect rejection.
“I mean, as a small boy, you get used to being depressed when raging hormones send you to numerous girls, only for your advances to be turned down rather painfully,” he agonizes, adding that in his dating life, he has always been dumped not the other way round.
“I have never had the pleasure of dumping a woman. The closest I came to dumping a woman, I felt guilty. Before I knew it, she turned tables on men and dumped me when I leased expected,” whines Kariuki.
This goes on to show how most men — except the few with movie-stars’ attributes — have grown up accepting rejection as a way of life.
Girls grow up mastering rejecting, dumping men
Meanwhile, interesting to note is the fact that women, on the other hand, spend the rest of their formative years and even adult life fending off unwanted attention from men. Basically, they grow up mastering the art of dumping men, so much so that it’s almost like a forte of sorts!
A keen observation of the dating scene reveals women know that most men have no clue what women want, thus it becomes very easy to dump a man once he outlives his usefulness. Put differently, most relationships are always run on women's terms, with men merely drifting through, rather unwittingly.
Women take advantage of this and constantly make it look like them agreeing to sleep with a man is such a rare privilege that must not be taken for granted. So each time they sleep with a man, they make him feel indebted.
This forces most men to stick in stale relationships, fearing the guilt of hurting their partners’ feelings by dumping them. So at worst, a man would rather clandestinely get another lover on the side and pretend to still love and care about the other.
So ladies, and this is breaking news, as you read this, chances are that man you still call bae or sweetheart dumped you a while back, but is yet to officially communicate or show it.
Guys prone to mistakes, giving ladies ammunition
It’s unfortunate that, unlike women, men don’t have the luxury of excuses women have for dumping a partner. You can imagine how ridiculous and silly it can sound when a man tells a woman whom he wants to dump sissies stuff like, “it’s not you, it’s me” or “let’s just be friends”! or “I need some me time”!
“Generally, men are prone to making mistakes in relationships. So much so that when you blame her for something, she will come out guns blazing with countless counter accusations, rendering your case null and void,” says Sam Wendo, a city-based businessman who has never officially ended any of the four serious relationships he was in before getting married.
“Pinning down a woman is such an uphill task. Look, if she, for instance, cheats on you, she never leaves behind a whiff of evidence. You also, for example, can’t accuse her of offering bad sex as an excuse to end a relationship because when sex is not great, it always boils down to the man’s incompetence between the sheets,” laughs Wendo.
According to women we talked to, the catalogue of mistakes men make in relationships and marriages is long.
Irene Irungu, a Nairobi-based nurse, says most men hardly take relationships and marriages seriously. Hear her: “Men’s conduct, even in serious unions like marriage, is at times very worrying. Men, at times, have this annoying lackadaisical attitude or behavior even when least expected.”
The nurse says women hardly do irritating stuff like leaving the loo in a mess. She says women tend to be cleaner and rarely have disgusting behavior like carelessly farting in bed and giggling about it like a lunatic or forgetting to brush their teeth or bathing or repeating clothes.
Guys never officially end relationships
Again, what legitimate excuse can a man use and not come off as petty? It’s only a woman who can dump a man and tell all and sundry the most ridiculous excuse like citing the small size of the man’s penis which never satisfied her and still get away with it!
“Dumping a woman is not easy. Some will uncontrollably cry, sending you on a guilty trip that will haunt you forever. Also, no man wants to be seen as a sadist who makes women cry,” says Julius Sunguti, a lawyer who says when he is fed up with a woman, he moves to the next without completely severing ties with the former, lest hell breaks loose.
“The last time I tried to actively dump a woman, she almost cursed me. She turned the whole thing against me, accusing me of having used and dumped her. She went on to swear, threatening that I will go to hell for the injustice of breaking her heart,” giggles Sunguti.
When on the wrong, women tend to be very creative with their apologies. That is why even in a situation where a woman has exhibited all sorts of traits of a mad woman, men still ‘understand’ and accept their apologies and hang in there as if they are under a spell.
“Even when woman is guilty of wrongdoing, she still can easily wiggle herself out of it. The kind of apologies we offer tend to be authentic and have a far-reaching effect on a man’s heart. A woman can mess up a relationship, only to clear herself of the sins with a simple creative gesture like a passionate or wild make-up sex and cook the man his favourite dish to boot,” chuckles Rose, a journalist.
Rose says women know men’s weakness and how to easily win them over, even after breaking their hearts. “Sometimes, all that is needed is a passionate phone call, inviting him at your place for a special apology. They always come running,” giggles Rose.
Generally, women tend to be nice and you can only imagine how difficult it is for a man to end a relationship with such types, however stale it may be. Actually, the only humane way to end a relationship with a woman is by telling her the truth; something many are allergic to.
A mid the hysterical sobs, she will ask touching questions, leading to deadly, consuming guilt that will make you feel like you are in hell, being consumed by fire.
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