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Useless advice wives-to-be are given at bridal showers

Lady Speak

This being the wedding season, which is usually between February and May, you can imagine the number of bridal parties I have had to endure in the name of keeping friendships. Honestly, Kenyan bridal parties could be the most useless events this side of the Sahara.

There are so many things I find wrong with these bridal parties. However, the most annoying of them all is the rubbish dished out in the name of marital advice.

It’s annoying how husbands are portrayed as gods that women need to worship. I mean, is there any advice for men who are getting married? I ask that because each time we talk about marriage advice, the target audience is always women.

Sometimes husbands demand way too much from women. Listening to the so-called marriage advice for women, one would be forgiven for assuming a wife is supposed to be a superwoman of sorts the moment she gets married. Methinks most of the stuff passed off as marriage advise has a lot to do with women enslavement than empowerment.

I am sick and tired of hearing about how important it is for a woman to please her man even when he doesn’t reciprocate. This always ends in the bedroom and how to handle him in the sack, as if husbands are experts and it’s only wives who need bedroom tutorials.

Another irritating piece of advice is about wives being told marriage is about perseverance. Women are told men will always cheat or have secret lovers, thus they should be ready to persevere and tackle such huddles.

I recently was at a bridal shower where that piece of advice was given. I have never been so angry in my life. But when I looked around, I noted other women sheepishly nodding in acknowledgment. Why are women selling themselves this short by setting the bar too low for men? Do you get into marriage expecting your husband to cheat? Really? Come on!

Maneno ya kuvumilia

It is time women stood up and said enough is enough. This ‘manenos of kuvumilia tu’ should come to an end. Women must up their game and set the bar higher. For instance, we need to do away with this idea of competing to have the biggest wedding, most of which are annoyingly, funded by loans. How glamorous or big your wedding is doesn’t determine how happy you will. In fact, nowadays, if trends are anything to go by, the bigger the wedding the higher the chances of it not lasting longer.

Another aspect that doesn’t sit well with me is this idea of women being made to take full responsibility of the marriage; in that if it fails they are the ones to blame. Really? So once a woman gets married, the whole responsibility of keeping the marriage on track becomes hers? Women are asked to carry the marriage on their backs. Talk of slavery!

When he cheats, grows fat, becomes skinny, it’s you to blame. These marriage advisors always make it look like being a wife is a full time job. Raising children is, or so it seems, also the responsibility of the wife. All that women are advised to expect from their men is financial support.

Women are also advised or socialised to persevere even when their men sleep away from home without notice. Questioning this, so we are told, is being disrespectful to the man because he is the head of the family and should be left to do as he is pleased. So much for mutual respect that marriage counsellors harp about. 

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