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He gets a lot of attention, can I trust him?

 He gets a lot of attention, can I trust him? [Courtesy, Freepik]

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend’s very good-looking and always gets a lot of attention. More than attention actually. He’s a lecturer, and there always seem to be way too many pretty female students smiling brightly at him. So I worry whether I can trust him, or am I just being insecure?

Pretty Boy

Hi Pretty Boy!

You’re right to worry. Because the good-looking amongst us do tend to lead rather tempestuous love lives.

Mostly that’s because they’re exposed to more temptation. Everyone they meet seems to admire them, and so they tend to flirt more. And because of all that amorous attention, they’re also less likely to develop the relationship skills the rest of us use to keep our partnerships going. After all, confident of their attractiveness, what’s to stop them from simply trying the field again rather than fixing things?

Another problem with your boyfriend is that attractiveness is relative. So someone who spends all their time surrounded by the young and the beautiful tends to find their partners less attractive, no matter how lovely they are.

Actors, for example, and everyone in the fashion industry. And university lecturers! Everyone in groups like these tends to have more difficulties in their relationships because all the time they’re with young and attractive people.

Our brains are also programmed to believe that attractive people have other advantages. So you probably think your boyfriend’s more honest than he is, just because of his looks. And so he can get away with murder. That even works in court, where physically attractive defendants tend to be convicted less often than the rest of us!

So you’re probably not being insecure. Because being with someone who looks good is always a risky business. It’s also important to look at more than just looks when you’re choosing a husband.

Otherwise, you’re likely to have a hard time in the long term. Because marriage is about much more than looks, and success depends on a whole raft of skills, which aren’t related in any way to our appearance!

All the best,



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