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Home / Girl Talk

Confessions: ‘My marriage ended but how can I find confidence to have sex with someone new?'

 I met someone online and I am worried of meeting him physically (Image: Shutterstock)

Dear Coleen,

Recently, I finally found the courage to walk away from a 15-year marriage that wasn’t making me happy. I’m a 42-year-old woman, so it wasn’t an easy decision, as the thought of starting over again in my forties was terrifying.

I’ve been chatting to men online and have met one guy in particular who I really like, but I’m worried about how things will be when we get to meet up in person.

I’ve only had sex with three people in my life and the first two I can barely remember.

My friends all say it will all come naturally, but I’m not so sure. How can I find some confidence?

Coleen says

I’m online dating myself and I’m not even thinking that far ahead to the sex bit. Look, you’re not going to meet him once and jump into bed – you’ve probably never done that before, so why put pressure on yourself? You need to meet a few times and see if that chemistry is there.

I think what your friends mean is that when you meet someone you really like, two or three dates down the line, you might have a great kiss and your mind and body will tell you when it’s right to take the next step into the bedroom.

If you don’t feel ready, be honest with him. If he’s a nice guy, he’ll get it.

It’s natural to feel apprehensive – I feel the same – but you’ll know yourself if this guy is right and if it feels comfortable to take things further. You never know, you might be ready for it more than him!

But the important thing is not to feel pressured.

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