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Home / Girl Talk

Five things you shouldn’t do after a breakup

 Breakups are difficult, painful even (Photo: Shutterstock)

Breakups are difficult, painful even. The end of a romantic relationship can bring out the worst in us and even lead to feelings of self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence.

As difficult as it is to let go and move on after what you thought was a lifelong relationship, it’s probably the best course of action to take. 

We’ve looked at what you should do after a breakup in order to move on including giving yourself time to grieve, accepting the end of your relationship and prioritizing self-care. 

However, certain habits that we turn to in order to cope with the emotional pain of a breakup can do more harm than good. They can make recovering from the heartbreak harder and last longer. 

In order to help you let go and heal from a break up, avoid the following.

1. Self-blame 

Any form of rejection can make you question your worth. You begin to chastise yourself for your actions in the relationship wondering what you could have done differently to change the outcome. 

Blaming yourself won’t change anything. Brooding and ruminating over your mistakes will only hold you back and make it harder to move on. You might have made mistakes but choose to learn from them instead of going over them again and again.

 Brooding and ruminating over your mistakes will only hold you back (Photo: Shutterstock)

2. Negative self-talk

The same applies to negative self-talk when you fall into the trap of listing all your faults, wrongdoings, inadequacies and recalling all your past failed relationships and rejections. Yes, your ego might have been bruised and your self-esteem knocked down a few notches but this doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person overall. Neither does it mean that you don’t deserve to be loved. Be there for yourself just as you would be there for a friend who has suffered a rejection. Show yourself some compassion and don’t be too hard on yourself.

3. Stay in contact with your ex

You might want to be friends with your ex but just after your break up is not the time. You need to give yourself time to heal. 

Many times we hold onto the hope that the one who broke up with us will change their mind and we’ll get back together. While I’m not negating that this could happen some time in the future, staying in touch with your ex will only give you false hope. 

Cut ties with your ex, not because of bad blood but to help you move forward. Checking up on your ex, continuing to follow them on social media, or even meeting up from time to time will only hurt more especially with the constant reminder of what you two had or would have had.

 Instead of jumping right into a new relationship, spend some time being single (Photo: Shutterstock)

4. Start dating right away

It’s tempting to want to run straight into another relationship to fill that void that your ex left but this isn’t healthy. After a breakup, you need to give yourself time to figure out what went wrong, note your mistakes and learn from them. You also need to figure out what you truly want in life and in your new relationship. 

Instead of jumping right into a new relationship, spend some time being single. Make yourself a priority and practice self-care.

5. Seek out revenge

When someone hurts you, your first reaction might be to hurt them back. But seeking out revenge against your ex won’t solve anything. It will only make things worse. 

So put an end to thinking about the best way to hurt them and instead focus on you. Sign up for that course you’ve been thinking about, pursue that hobby, work on your health and fitness. 

Besides, the best way to show your ex that you’ve moved on is for them to see you happy and flourishing. 

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