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Home / Girl Talk

Why Kenyan men are romantically challenged

Ladies, do you ever see other men doing grand romantic gestures for their women and you start to wonder what is wrong with you that you can’t inspire a guy to make a fuss over you like that? Me too!

I grew up watching soap operas and so I got this de facto mindset that all men are inherently romantic and that the glamorous version of romance I saw in these shows was what real life love would be like.

I was quickly disillusioned when I started dating in my late teens! When you have to coerce a man to do simple things like pay for your dinner when you are out on a date or buy you a gift on your birthday, you can forget about red roses, chocolates, champagne and impromptu out of town romantic getaways!

It’s no secret that Kenyan men are romantically challenged. Even with a court order, you can’t get a gift from some Kenyan boyfriends. They buy you a bottle of beer or a quarter kilo of roast meat and nag you all night to go home with them!

Whether this is because they are selfish and closefisted with money or because they are just not into romance is up for discussion. However, every so often we hear of an enlightened chap who decides to step up to the plate and spare no expense in showing the woman in his life just how much she means to him.

Whether it is by renting a billboard to proclaim his love for her or whisking her away on a dream vacation at an exotic location, they leave us all swooning and green with envy at the same time.

You see, I am a hopeless romantic. I long for the day that a man will show his unbridled love for me through such extravagant romantic gestures. I yearn to be the object of one of those grand romantic gestures that will go viral on social media and leave people’s tongues wagging for days. I want to know what it feels like to have a man go all out for me and create a public spectacle so that people can know he is crazy about me.

I know this will probably never happen because even though there are plenty of good men out there, very few of them speak the language of romance. I console myself by telling myself that romance is subjective and that there is more to relationships than champagne and roses. I tell myself that a man can show me he loves me in a number of ways that don’t include splurging on material things.

I learnt that when you find yourself in a relationship with a man who doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, no amount of nagging or coercion is going to change that. And while I expect a certain level of thoughtfulness, attentiveness and consideration from the men I date, I no longer hold on to the unrealistic fantasy of grand romantic gestures being a sign of true love.

I know there are a few real-life Prince Charmings out there, but it is not the end of the world if I never find myself entangled with one.

Some people get lucky, but love and relationships are nothing like the movies. If the lack of movie-like romance is a deal breaker for you, you are setting yourself up for a lonely life.

When you snag a good man, it is best to focus on the little things he does for you than complaining about the things he doesn’t do.

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