Beating postpartum depression

A few weeks into motherhood I noticed a change in my moods. I was irritable and scared most of the time. But even if I had noticed my changes, it didn't help when my husband pointed it out one evening and then again a few days later. It was painful to hear that he was worried about the way I was raising my voice at my daughter but I needed to hear that to snap myself out of the dark moods I was in.

I was overwhelmed by the lack of sleep and responsibility since I was trying to do it all. My daughter also had infant reflux, which made her spit up milk through her mouth and nose during or after feeds. So I was advised to hold her in the upright position for 30 minutes after each feed. By night time, I was so exhausted and in no mood to handle a crying baby.

Sleep deprivation, lack of support (especially from the father), financial problems or a child with health problems (a crying baby) are the most common reasons that can lead a mother to depression.

Because it is a sensitive issue, a person confronting an irritated mother should be very cautious to show her what is wrong. The most common response is defensive and that was exactly how I responded. "No, I don't sound angry and I am not treating my daughter badly. How can you say that? You are not in my position to understand how it is." This was my response, accompanied by tears and exaggerated gestures, when my husband confronted me. I knew I was not okay but I believed that I didn't pose a threat to myself and daughter. But I had to swallow my pride and realise that what he said was not to hurt me but for the wellness of both myself and daughter. It is good to guide a mother into seeing what is not right instead of blaming her for the problems.

I was a perfectionist and I did everything for my daughter –breastfeeding and burping, giving a bath, diaper change (I solely did this for more than six months), and changing clothes. When I learned that it is impossible to do everything with a scant of sleep, I reached out for help. If around a new mum, offer to take care of the baby or do other household chores to relieve the mother and give her some alone time.

I was lucky enough to not go under a serious depression but if you come across a mother in serious denial with severe mood swings and insomnia, that most likely suggests depression. Encourage the mother to seek professional help and preferably, organise it yourself because such a mother will most likely not have the strength nor the time to do it.

Often times, mothers get overwhelmed because people around them think they have figured out the demands of a new baby and withdraw their help to continue helping her with the baby.

Deciding to get a baby is a major decision a mother needs to think through. Preparing the mind for the demanding responsibilities of raising a child helps a mother handle the challenges. But despite the circumstances, no mother should feel guilty for feeling depressed. As much as it is stressful I can attest that it is all worth it.