How do I talk to my children about life's realities?

Hi Chris,

I try really hard to tell my children the truth and not hide the realities of life from them. But yesterday they caught us making out! Now they’re asking many questions and I don’t know what to say!

Difficult Questions

Chris says,

Hi, Difficult Questions!

Everyone tries to avoid their children seeing them in love. But sooner or later they usually do, even if you don’t know it! Don’t worry if they do. Answer any questions honestly, using age-appropriate language. If they’re used to seeing you hugging and kissing, which they should be, it’ll be fine.

In fact, always be prepared to talk to them about sex. Make it feel like a completely routine conversation and give short, honest answers. From the start, use real names for body parts.

Encourage them to talk to you about their day and to feel comfortable bringing up any subject. Never put them off, even if you’re worried about what you’re hearing. You want them to tell you everything so that you can spot any problems long before they’re serious.

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Never knowingly tell them something that isn’t true, even with the best of intentions. If you want your children to be honest with you, you have to be honest with them.

You’re also right not to hide the realities of life from them, including all the difficult life-and-death issues. Teach them how to deal with life as it really is. Show them how hard you have to work, and when they mess up, teach them about making things right. And forgiveness.

Don’t pretend that everything is all right when it’s not. They know when things aren’t right. You don’t have to tell them every little detail, but you have to be honest. We’re worried about Grandma, but she’s seeing a good doctor...’.

They always know when you’ve fought, so don’t hide it. Instead, show them how adults deal with conflict. Seeing you find a solution or just let things go and make up is a good lesson for children to learn.

All the best,

Chris