I am 24 and have been living with my husband for 4 years. He is 27 and says that he cannot go a day without sex. He always wants sex every day and when I complain or tell him I don’t feel like it he starts acting up and quarrelling me. For him it does not matter what time of the month it is all he ever wants is sex whenever I am near him. Yes, he forces me into it even when I am on my days and has cheated so many times that I even lost count. I don’t like sex as much as he does and this has become a problem in our relationship. I am not sure if I want to get married to him as I just cannot cope with this no matter how hard I try. Please advice as I am not sure I want to get married to him someday.
WHAT THE READERS SAY:
Milka, now that your fiancé will never stop asking for sex no matter what and even goes as far as cheating on you, it can only get worse. If I were you, I would have looked for a compatible mate who will make me his respected and happy wife. Someone who will care about your feelings and love you for you not for what you give him.
That man does not love or even care for you. He seems to be addicted to sex and for him, it is just a game. If he cares for you he would want to talk you to his level of needs then you would have no problems participating. He has turned you into a sex slave and I encourage you to run. Imagine he is making such demands even before marrying you, what will happen when you are married to him?
All you need to do is tell him the truth. You cannot live life pleasing people left and right. By the end of the day what you do is pay up for the lost time sister. Get yourself together and go. You have left this habit to go on for far too long. You ought to have made things clear from the start. Sit him down and tell him what you think and feel.
In my years of experience, sex constitutes the second largest problem in relationships after cheating. In some instances, it is too little (or non-existent), on others it is boring and stale while for others; it is too much to handle just like for Milka. Each one of these situations has its fair share of challenges and they affect relationships in different ways.
Is there something like too much sex till it is annoying, yes indeed! Too much of anything can be dangerous thus a situation like this is delicate. Many people think that “normal” couples will always the same time and have similar sex drives. Nothing can be further from the truth. It is important to point out that it is not just men who have high sex drives; in some instances it is the woman who has a high sex drive and this in many instances scares the men involved stiff and makes them feel very much insecure.
In Milka’s situation, I think it is unreasonable for a man to always want sex to the extent of forcing himself on his partner even during the red letter days. It is insensitive and does not even seem natural. As a matter of fact, most men who act like this do it to achieve certain goals which include among others, to nurse their insecurities, to exert dominance on their partners. Insecurities are in most cases based on falsehoods e.g. the notion that if you give her too much sex, she will not cheat on you while the dominance aspect is apart from being utterly uncouth is just an illustration of emotional immaturity.
Generally men will in many instances have higher sex drives than their counterparts but not to this extent. It is insensitive for a man to always expect his woman to be ready for him every time he wants a piece of the pie. With your description it seems he doesn’t even care about your feelings, only his lustful desires. This is a conversation you will need to have with him and get him to understand that sex is not always about him. Remind him that it becomes meaningless if it is just about his needs. Encourage him to also consider your feelings and needs and by the way having sex while you are on your days is unacceptable! It may also be that this drive may not be natural i.e. he could be abusing sex enhancement substances. Have a candid talk with him and refuse to be treated like a sex slave.
Simon is a relationships counsellor who helps couples face the hard truth towards finding reasonable solutions for their problems.
My husband has a huge appetite for sex and its ruining our relationship. I need help!