Why Ugandan men can't stop peeing in public

Now this business of economic slowdown, economic downturn, economic crisis, economic this and economic that is taking some directions and I am not liking it at all. Not just me, all the women of Uganda don't like it. It is giving guys license to behave in the most awful manner.

We agree everybody is hard up. But if we all are, then why should some people make others suffer extra as if they are the cause of the economic own-something? Now wherever you pass in many urban areas, you are hit by the strong stench of urine.

I have been enquiring about this and the explanation has finally come, officially by the way. That men can no longer afford to pay for the public toilets at sh200 (Ksh 5) per leak. That is why whenever they feel the slightest irritation in the bladder they just unzip and spray the nearest wall.

Several times in the past week local television in Kampala has shown us men doing their so-called thing freely against walls in different towns. They are not even slightly ashamed. They guys just do it, they stare unconcerned in the camera as they finish the last motions, re-pack their offensive organs, zip up, stretch a bit and walk off. I want to cane them! How dare you irrigate walls, even as children watch on?

Was it in Italy where, I recently read, they have designed a special paint that sprays back at you all the stuff plus some more should urinate against a wall that has been treated? You see, the problem is not just Ugandan men, but men worldwide. But the problem is that if you go unzipping in a town where there is no drainage, we only count on the sun to evaporate the stuff and that is why it ends up our nose!

In India, they have intensified a "decorate and shame" campaign against the men who unzip and release against walls in public. Special Police personnel now move with flower garlands which they put around your neck to wear around the whole day, and woe unto you if you dare remove it. So if you have been scolding your kids for small mistakes and they see you wearing a public urinator's garland around your neck, you are likely to behave properly for the rest of your life.

But the Indian strategy cannot work in Uganda. For the money to procure the garlands of shame would be stolen by the officials concerned. In case they buy some, they would be dismantled and converted into cheap wreaths to sell to mourners since there is an increase in murders all over the country and everyday people are burying a victim of senseless violence.

It is really vexing. What I don't understand is why only men are urinating in public. Does it mean the women have no bladders? Or are the women the only rich ones around to use pay public toilets. And why do men do it against walls? Why don't they do it on the road tarmac where it would dry more quickly?