Taking care of children is no joke, do you agree?

Your Easter weekend was hell on earth. Carol’s sister brought her two-year-old son to stay with you for the weekend. Your bitter ex and baby mama agreed finally to let you spend time with your son for Easter. And of course, Carol’s daughter, Farrah now lives with you full time.

Then as the devil would have it, tragedy struck on the double. The house help decided to go home for Easter. And Carol was visited with the mother of all flus and all manner of complications that saw her hospitalised for two days. Now you had three children to take care off and a sick wife to visit and attend to. It was the longest weekend of your life.

Your son and Carol’s daughter do not get along despite being about the same age and having similar interest. Farrah is the youngest and snobbiest person you know. And your son, while a looker, is equally vain. That means you require a different set of skills to manage them. Farrah sulks a lot, and your son seems to have a stinking attitude like his mother, your bitter ex.

Now kids are always a handful. You need to watch after them 24/7. You need to beg them to eat. Farrah is such a poor feeder; her mother has to threaten her with hell fire before she can scoop a spoonful of rice pellets into her tiny mouth. Only junk food she tries to eat. You will think she is an hyperconscious 32-year-old grappling with obesity. Your son, Ryan, on the other hand is a monster. He eats like a proper a man, he will grow into. You like him.

Now you must cook for them, ensure they eat, and of course Carol calls every time to ask you if Farrah tried to eat. And then the two-year-old! Damn, you never saw a child rain tantrums like that. As you write this, he has broken Farrah’s tablet, your phone and three remotes in the house. You blink, he has fallen off a chair. You look away for a second, he is swallowing the remote batteries! The hell! He is super violent and you even thought of putting a leash on him. He is uncontrollable, you wonder how mother controls him.

Cooking for children is one thing. Having them eat is another. But you succeed into ensuring that they each have a spoonful of rice and minced meat, before stuffing them with junk food, in the name of spoiling them. You give your son the play station and Farrah is good with her laptop watching some cartoons and eyeing her step-brother like he is a green-eyed monster. Will they ever get along?

Then there is the doing dishes part. Any man will tell you that the toughest job in the world is not mining diamonds or gold, deep in the mines or pushing mkokoteni, but washing dishes. But you have to eat humble pie as you wash the dishes for the two days that wife has been hospitalised and play the role of mum.

When Carol arrives home from the hospital, she screams because of  the state of the house, and when she realises that you have been feeding the kids junk, she is not overly impressed by your parenting skills. From her look, she probably gives you a D- on that. But you are relieved since the house help and the wife are back to take their respective roles.

@nyanchwani

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