Friends you wish your wife didn't have

If you are to be honest, you have a pathological dislike for your wife’s best friends. She spends too much time with them. They are all getting married rather belatedly. All of them are in the phase of their life where they get pregnant all too often. Your wife spends too much time either arranging their weddings and baby showers, it seems. Since you married her last year, she has never spent a weekend at home.

And that is just one problem. There are chamas, shopping sprees, hairdos, heels and other fashion stuff and so much they like comparing notes on. Many a weekend has been interrupted by her friends when she hosts them and you must figure out what to do on a damn Sunday.

But her friends come in all shapes and colours. Margie, has quite an appetite and it reflects on her body shape which she wears with pride. Every time you meet her she is on some junk food; pop corns, ice cream, pizza, she is always talking, or eating. But she has a hearty sense of humour, loves your daughter so much, so you really have no problem with her.

There is Wendy. You dislike her phony name. Even worse her husky voice. She has this garrulous laughter that seems to go on and on. She is never in good books with your wife, and you wonder why they are friends always. Wendy, like all loud women, dates this cool chap from the Coast. How the chap handles her is quite beyond you.

There is Gill. Gill is always giving you this funny look. You are not sure what it is for. But Carol should be worried. You are afraid that she is seductive or wants you. Her hugs linger a few seconds longer. She dropped a friend request on Facebook, out of nowhere. And she has even taken your number lying in broad daylight that she wanted to do business with you. You been watching her. Every time you meet her, there is some palpable sexual tension between the two of you. It has taken a lot of discipline on your part not to ask her out.

Then there is her name sake, Carol. You wife keeps saying she is ever jealous. Every time she visits and finds something in your sitting room, she will fawn over it admiring it and wondering where she can buy it. Her marriage is not working as blissfully as she could have wished, hence she relies on Carol as a social support system. And boy, she has issues like crazy.

Then, there is Ivy. The only reason you guess your wife keeps her close is that she’s not as hot, hence she hangs around just to make Carol feel better about herself. They have nothing in common. Maybe she is the comforter when she is going through a hard time, because, Carol rarely shares her fears or concerns with you.

It is a diverse mix. But you wonder if female friendship is all about baby showers, weddings, fashion and nothing more. You have never heard them talk about a different thing, either when they call your wife or somebody else.

You just hate that your wife takes so much time with them, doing what you consider nothing. Wish she spent less time with them, and more time doing constructive work. When you ask her, her response always is: “How is football or spending time in the bar more productive?”

@nyanchwani

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