Drama galore: Meeting city friends in ushago during the holiday

Have you seen them yet? Have they started ‘loading’ back to the city or have they gone under the sea to seek some counsel of Amadioha the mighty being faithfully mentioned in Nigeria during hard times? I mean everyone of those who bombarded our timelines just the other week telling us how their home areas were ‘loading’.

The biggest culprits were those from the lakeside, I mean who didn’t see things like ‘Seme loading’, ‘Siaya loading’ or even ‘Kisumu loading’ on their timelines complete with photos of big machines coupled with boxes of mineral water accompanied by luxurious drinks? I

mean those drinks that come with a specific label, an example is Johnie Walker which was lately rebranded ‘Millie Walker’ thanks to the drama in our political arena.

The selfies that filled our timelines were so full of different activities at the background. They categorically posted selfies with something else at the background to catch the viewer’s attention. For instance, why would someone post a  photo with the caption ‘Passing the Great Rift Valley’ while the background is full of different brands of whisky?

When you decide to post a photo telling us about the Rift Valley, all we expect to see at least is part of the valley if not the whole of it now that you are using your iphone 7. Not some whisky brands and mineral water as if you are launching a drinking programme.

I thought I had seen it all on social media until they finished loading in our rural home. My God, is the city that busy that the only time you get to meet your fellow city dwellers is at your rural area during the festive season? When you decide to travel or ‘load’ back home during this time, what exactly motivates you?

The feeling of being together with your family or the feeling of transferring your city friendship to the village? Why exactly would someone travel back home in order to spend the better part of their time at our local joints catching up with the same people he travelled with from the city? For God’s sake, didn’t you have all the year to meet your fellows at your favourite joint in the city?

Your folks at home need your presence as well around them, not just that of the chemical filled goodies you bring them to ‘close their eyes’ as you hope in your machine from one joint to another humiliating the village kingpins with your spending power as you move your power banks from one pocket to another yet there is electricity everywhere as if to threaten people’s shops that specialise in charging phones.

But we know where all this comes to an end, yes we do. Somewhere in between Christmas and New Year these same people who bombarded our timelines just before Christmas suddenly disappear from the earth. Then when they finally reappear, they post stuff like ‘I missed charging my phone’’. What the hell happened to your powerbank? What about the internet bundles? Omera we know what went wrong where.

Yes, something must have gone wrong somewhere between your wallet and you bank account. What happened to Rift Valley on your way back? Or did you decide to follow another route? If your phone had enough charge to last you all the way to your home area when travelling there how comes the charge cannot serve you well on your way back? Isn’t the city loading as well?

I know you are somewhere in your local joint at home with your fellow city dwellers right now planning on how you will ‘light it’ tonight as we cross over to 2017. I know you are holding this newspaper right now wondering what how January is going to be like.

My friend, as you wait to ‘load’ back to the city, kindly furnish us with an hour by hour update on your journey back because we will sure be waiting with our mouths open just like we did a week ago. Otherwise, all I wish you right now is a Happy New Year!