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He beats me up when I ask him to stop drinking

Reader's Lounge - By Taurus | August 13th 2016 at 09:00:00 GMT +0300
Photo; Courtesy

I have been married for four years now but we don't have any children yet. This marriage has been hell and I have never known the happiness that people enjoy in marriage. For the last three years, my husband has never come home before 11pm. He drinks himself silly every day of his life to the point that I am now accustomed to the stench of a drunkard even though it is extremely disturbing. Whenever I complain about this he beats me up and tells me to look for another man who does not drink. I have found a job closer to my home in Murang'a and we are currently living in Umoja. When I told him about it, he told me that he will change and begged that I don't go although the situation is still the same. I want to try my luck out there. I am confused because I think I need to move out of this but I don't know how. {Mildred}

Your Take:

Mildred, you need to find out why he is drinking every day. People react differently to issues so it could be that he’s going through something and alcohol is the only consolation he has. Marriage is meant to be enjoyable for both parties even though it is never a bed of roses. Pray but you should consider professional counselling if things don’t change.

{Lillian Mwikali}

You have been patient in this marriage for four years despite the fact that you guys don’t have any children. Your husband is being insensitive and honestly he is not playing his role as the head of that house. However, there are serious issues your marriage is going through and you both need to address them. For instance is it that you both agreed you don’t want babies? You need to sit your husband down and make him explain why he behave the way he does.

{Fred Jausenge}

  2. 1. How to have a healthier relationship

What is going on is unfortunate and I am inclined to think something must be terribly wrong with him or with this marriage. Please seek help and don’t just deal with it on your own, seek help and get to the bottom of the matter. Why is he drinking this much? He could be hiding or running away from something else.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You must be aware of the numerous cases of domestic violence that are currently being recorded. Some of these are ending up tragically. Beware of him and know that there is always a big difference between someone saying that he will change and that person actually changing.

{Aseri Dick}

Counselor’s Take:

Mildred, marriage is a bet and with every bet there are winners and losers. It seems you did not quite get what you expected and over time probably due to his drinking and irrational behaviour you have lost value for the marriage. Yes, everyone gets into a marriage in search of happiness and fulfillment. When one needs are not met, naturally they feel short changed and will eventually have little value for the marriage. This is the point at which you are and I can assure you that it is perfectly normal to feel as you are feeling and to want to jump out of this marriage at the earliest opportunity.

You have found a job in Murang’a and now all over sudden, he wants to change his old and wicked ways to make the marriage work? Please be cautious, he might pretend so that you take his word and pass on this opportunity, then once you have nowhere to go he reverts to his old state and you will have no option but to bear with it. You said it, he has not changed at all even after making all these promises. The truth of the matter is that he is not going to change and you seem to know this very well.

The opportunity that has opened up for you in Murang’a is probably God sent and could be what this relationship is missing. I mean this in terms of the space both of you will have in light of this. You see, space provides people with a opportunity to reflect on things. It will give both of you a chance to really think through issues and reconcile with yourselves and probably form a basis to decide on the way forward.

I encourage you to take up this opportunity while it is still available. However, I request that you put the pursuit of happiness out there on hold for a while. This is because you are already vulnerable and will most likely fall prey to men who may be out to use you for their own sexual gratification and satisfaction but who will most certainly have no long term interest in you. Take some time to catch up and settle on the new job and while there you will have enough time to make the right decisions for your life.

While you deserve better than a man who drinks himself sick every day of his life, I really encourage you to take it slow. There are many men out there who are out looking for women who are lonely and especially those that are from difficult and lonely relationships. They have no intentions to make things any better for them but to use them then dump them just as they start getting comfortable thinking they have found what they were looking for. Take your time and explore what the new life may have for you but be very careful about everything and everyone. {Taurus}

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