How life taught us hard lessons as women

Lisa Mungai's story: "The deal was too sweet and I dug in"’

Lisa, 34, an accountant had been working hard for three years and had saved up enough to buy a car. She was excited and as she visited yards to find one that fit her budget, one salesman pulled her to the side and told her she could save up to Sh100,000 if she imported the Toyota Vitz directly. He offered to help for a small fee of Sh20,000.

The deal sounded good so they went online and picked a car from the Japan showroom and made a payment. Lisa was told to expect the car at the port of Mombasa in 90 days. Lisa waited patiently and three months down the line, she tried to contact the company.

They picked up her calls and told her there were delays and she should wait two more weeks. She didn’t think too much about it because “delays happen all the time, right?” after a fortnight, she called the car dealer again and this time they didn’t pick. The following day, the phone was off.

Lisa frantically called the salesman who made the import suggestion for advice. He told her to relax because “cars can sometimes delay for up to six months.” “Why didn’t you tell me that before I made the purchase?” she asked him. He said it was common knowledge.

Lisa tried calling the dealer every day but the phone was always off. A year passed and there were no signs of the car ever arriving in Kenya. She had to make peace with the fact she had been conned of Sh600,000.

The dealer also went missing. For the next couple of months, Lisa said she sunk into a self-imposed depression. She was unpleasant to be around and her friends slowly started avoiding her. Her performance at work also deteriorated and before she knew it, she had a warning letter and was soon dismissed. That was in 2009.

Lessons learned

“That was a wake-up call for me. I had let a bad deal control my life and it ultimately led me to losing my job. I started picking the pieces and there are two lessons I came out with from that experience – one, bad things happen but that doesn’t mean you should take that one situation and spread it to the rest of your life.

Yes Sh600,000 is a lot, but that was my issue and I really didn’t need to take it out on friends and let it affect my work performance and produce a domino effect on my life,” Lisa says.

“The second lesson is that money is a renewable resource. A deal can go bad but the best thing to do is accept it and move on and try and make or earn some more and try something different. We sometimes put too much emphasis on money when the truth is you cannot take it with you.

You look at some people who have built empires and were worth billions of shillings but they are now dead and their families do not even get to enjoy that money because they are so busy suing each other to get the biggest chunk.”

Career

Lisa says she wished she learned how to make mutually beneficial alliances with colleagues earlier on. “I would have got a significant salary raise a long time ago and saved up enough to make good investments,” she says.

Lisa says when she first started working, she was shy. “I would hear that the boss is looking for someone to take on a project which I knew I could do but I shied away thinking I did not deserve to hold leadership positions.

I saw a lot of less qualified co-workers join after me but get promoted before me simply because they spoke up! It is when I got children that I toughened up. I realised I had babies to feed and my salary was just not doing it. I stopped taking the back seat in my life and put myself out there and I have not regretted it.”

Relationships

Lisa advises women to decide on a spouse based on logic rather than that lovey-dovey feeling.

“I was naïve when I was younger. I really loved my ex-boyfriend and despite what my family and friends told me about him being irresponsible, I maintained the relationship,” she confesses. “Before I knew it, I was pregnant. I just resigned myself to fate.

I was paying all the bills for me and our baby and instead of cutting my losses, I let him move in. And that’s how baby number two happened. He didn’t step up and it became too much for me to take care of three babies (him included) and we parted ways. Now I’m a single mum and I don’t know what my chances are of getting a good guy who’s willing to accept me and my babies.”

Nancy Waweru’s story:

"I was so frugal, I didn’t enjoy life"’

For Nancy*, 36, she says her biggest mistake was being penny wise but pound foolish.

“I think I was obsessed with saving. I used to hear all these stories of young people wasting their money and whenever people would talk about such people, I would almost raise my head high because I felt so responsible with my money. I was very frugal and saved a good chunk of my salary but I now realise I used to take things too far,” Nancy says.

“For my fuel, I would put Sh500 in my tank and push it until it was just below the empty line then reluctantly add another Sh500. My joy was seeing my bank statement in the green. I cannot tell you how many times my fuel got finished in the middle of the road.

I realise how foolish putting little fuel was because when the car got stuck, not only did I waste time, but since I would usually get stuck in the middle of nowhere, I would have to pay a boda boda operator to go get me fuel. Then don’t forget there is the cost of the container. So I ended up using more. These days I fill my tank completely,” Nancy narrates.

Nancy says she learned just to spoil herself sometimes because “life is not only about saving and investing.” She says she would do her manicure at home, avoid going out to restaurants and avoid other unnecessary costs.

“But I realised I was short-changing myself. Life is not just about working, paying bills and investing. It is meant to be experienced.

 Now when I get the urge, I splurge every once in a while. I’ll go for that manicure and pedicure and throw in a spa treatment. I’ll travel out of town for a weekend too then sometimes I’ll focus on saving for a particular investment. It’s about balance.”

Career

Nancy says she used to separate her work life from her personal life. She would interact with co-workers strictly for business.

“It is crazy but that was me. I had a ‘sura ya kazi’ (standoffish) and thought letting co-workers into your private life would make them become too familiar and contemptuous,” Nancy confesses.

“But now I realise, the better friends you are with your colleagues, the more productive you are. It’s your colleagues who can let you in on a vacancy coming up or that can help you solve problems. If you are too formal, they will stay away from you and let you figure things out on your own and that hurts your progress.

So now, I’m good friends with a lot of co-workers and I’ll tell you, one of them recommended me for a promotion. I had been struggling all those years to climb up the ladder when the solution was all in making friends.”

Relationships

Nancy says she has been lucky in love but has had a few situations when it comes to friendships.

“I have a small circle of friends and because I am loyal and honest with them, I expect nothing less from them as well. But we are human and as Bob Marley said: Everyone is going to hurt you at some point; you just need to decide which ones are worth it. At first, when I thought a friend had betrayed me, I would cut them off completely.

My circle of friends kept getting smaller and I looked around at what others were doing and realised – it’s not that serious. You can forgive some betrayals. Key word here is some. I now do not let minor issues bother me. I evaluate the friendship and if the pros outweigh the cons, I maintain the friendship and give second chances.”

Joan Onunga’s story:

"I didn't plan for the future, and I paid for it"

Joan, 30, says she has learned that sometimes, tomorrow will not sort itself out.

“I have always been a spender. If I see something I like, I get it after all, another salary will come at the end of the month. But there was a time the salary was not there,” Joan narrates.

“The company I was working for announced it was having financial problems and I was retrenched. It was so abrupt and I found myself unable to pay rent. Here I was with the latest dresses and shoes but I couldn’t pay Sh25,000 rent.

I felt terrible. I had to temporarily move back into my parents’ house before I got another job. After that, I promised myself I would be saving at least 10 per cent of my salary. And I have been doing that for three years now.”

Relationships

Joan says you need to date a partner who has vision. “You cannot be two blind people going nowhere. Part of the reason I didn’t bother saving is because the man I was dating was just like me.

He liked buying nice things and there we were, two fools spending money and never having a safety net. When I got financially savvy, I realised I could no longer be with him.”

Career

Joan says she has learned never to get too comfortable in a job because you never know when your services might no longer be needed.

“I loved the company I worked for and all seemed well so to be told I had been retrenched was a shocker. I had never planned for such an eventuality. When I had to get back into the job market, my CV needed a huge re-do. Never get too comfortable in a job,” Joan says.