Surviving the 'Terrible Twos': Tips every parent needs

Parental experts say to be successful, parents need to learn developmental milestones, including emotional and social development at the formative years of a child (pHOTO: iStock) Every parent wishes to give their children a good start in life through the parenting journey of nurturing, protection, and guidance. Parental experts say to be successful, parents need to learn developmental milestones, including emotional and social development at the formative years of a child - two to three years old. "Parenting toddlers is one of the hardest jobs," says Leila Makoli as she remembers over parenting her children (now aged 14 and 16), during their toddler age. "I remember those parenting days well, because my son Colton and later my daughter Soraya made me crazy till I thought I would not live to see them past five years," says Leila. Nassim and Riziki Kasena are parents to five-year-old Ahsan, who made life unbearable through actions that almost cost his and their lives. The couple was envious of their neighbour couple, Dan and Eva Muroki, parents to three adoring teenagers. They must have had a fun time unlike them while parenting their children through toddlerhood, or so they thought, until they heard about their experience. "We learnt that it was difficult to parent their first, second, and third children through their toddler years," says Nassim. He says from their neighbour couple, they learned parenting was new every day, with each child posing individual challenges, and just when a parent thinks they have got the little one figured out, oops, they change. To ease the pain and challenges of parenting Ashan, the Murokis volunteered to mentor first-time parents as they parented the toddler for the past three years. Today, Nassim and Riziki have an 18-month-old toddler, who they are grateful to parent wisely with the lessons learnt from the Murokis. "We encourage parents with toddlers to invest in finding a mentor, preferably older couples who have gone through this phase of parenting multiple children who are in late CBC or junior school as these parents have toddlerhood fresh on their minds," advises Riziki. Gladys Wangechi, a teacher a parenting coach, and a mother to a five-year-old daughter, says the phase of parenting two to three-year-olds is referred to as "the terrible twos". "The terrible twos term is used to describe this stage as toddlers begin to assert their independence, a phase that can be exciting as the toddler undergoes huge changes in their thinking, learning, social, and emotional abilities," says coach Wangechi. She explains at this stage, toddlers should be able to follow simple instructions and sort objects by shape and colour. Additionally, they should be able to imitate the actions of adults and playmates and express a wide range of emotions. According to the expert, at the age of two years, a toddler is talking, walking, climbing, jumping, running, and bustling with energy. The child has a growing vocabulary and acquires new words regularly. Nassim and Riziki advise parents of toddlers to be cautious about how they handle them as this is their formative years that will shape their adult lives. Remember your toddler is your responsibility and should not be left at the hands of a help or caregiver all the time, as this might mess them up," advises the Kasenes. Expert tips on parenting toddlers The years before age five are crucial to your child's development. Seek help from available resources, including investing in a mentor who will help you get it right to avoid mistakes. If you are a first-time parent to a toddler, the first thing you might notice about the child is that they seem defiant. Defiance is a flesh issue, not a reflection of their love for you. They are trying to figure out how to survive. Defiance is part of the process. Do not compare your child with others - each child learns to obey at their ownphase. Some learn quickly, while others have a more challenging temperament. Be patient and consistent. Obedience and development will come. Before becoming a parent, Reila says she remembers one thing on her mind about parenting - she would bring up her children in a way they would always obey her. "However, over the years after becoming a parent, I have learnt that this is a ridiculous expectation because I realised even as a parent, I do not obey the first time every time?" However, she adds, this is not to say that a parent to a toddler should throw everything out of the window and let them do whatever they want. "A parent must be firm and consistent, although they will need grace to tame the little defiant face," says Wangechi. It is challenging to keep a toddler's schedule as they thrive on a structure where they get up, have their meals, play, bath, and go back to sleep. This type of consistency helps them feel secure. Remember you are the parent. It is not advisable to ask your child what they want to do. Give them instructions on what you want them to do instead. If you ask your child what they want to go to bed, in all honesty, they will not say "yes" as the question indicates going to bed is an option. "Simple state your command on time and if the child is disobedient, move directly to corrective discipline, otherwise you will make yourself look like a liar, a reputation that might stick for the rest of the parenting journey," says the coach. Most offenses by a toddler involve the hands. These are the new tools that the child is just starting to understand. Discipline remains the same regardless of circumstances. If he takes a friend's toy at a birthday party, pushes a sibling, or bangs their feeding dish on the floor, squeeze their hand and say "no" gently. If this behaviour does not stop, remove the child from the room. The best thing you can do for yourself with parenting a toddler is to set boundaries during the day. Set aside time for a "high chair" and put the child in it while you clean the kitchen or pay the bills. Have a "room time" where your toddler is in his crib (lights on, with toys) to play. This gives you time to attend to your grooming. It also makes the child more compliant in the grocery cart, doctor's office, or anywhere else he cannot run free. Learn to ignore tantrums. Unless the child is hurting someone, let them throw a tantrum. Ignore it, and walk away. Do some dishes. Whatever you do, do not try to solve it. Tantrums don't dignify a response. And this applies to any age. "Your toddler is probably better at obeying than you think. If you feel discouraged, get a sheet of paper and list down the number of times he obeys each day vs. the number of times he doesn't, and you will be surprised at how many times he does obey," says Wangechi, adding: "Look for progress, not perfection. That's your goal in this phase."

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