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As soon as a baby’s born, the guessing starts: ‘Who does she take after? What kind of person is she going to be?’ ‘Going to be’ shows how we tend to assume babies are born without a ‘personality’ and that character is something picked up later.
But research has proved that babies come into the world already equipped with strong and widely differing personalities. Some are born adventurous, outgoing, easy-going; others are more retiring, quiet, demanding and impatient.
Spot the difference
A baby’s emotional make-up should receive a lot of attention, as it’s often the key to helping many difficult babies. A baby who is born with ability to put up with frustrations and comfort herself-for example, wait for a feed by sucking her thumb-will have a happier attitude to the world and relate to it more positively. She will also produce a similar response in those around her, which will in turn encourage her to develop.
On the other hand, a baby who’s naturally impatient and can’t cope so well with life’s little frustrations, and depends too much on other people for comfort, will have to learn to be more self-sufficient before she can show the sunny side of her character. But many parents don’t realise this and assume that something is wrong with either the baby or themselves-and so a vicious circle develops with you trying to find out what the problem is and the baby becoming more frustrated and impatient in return.
Parents also have a tendency to believe that a baby will like what they like, but of course a baby’s tastes, needs and character may be very different from that of her parents.
Discovering your baby’s personality Interpreting a baby’s feelings is a matter of trial and error but never lose heart: research has shown that they’re actually carefully programmed from birth to let parents know their needs. So, relax, sit back and enjoy your baby and you’ll soon understand what she’s trying to tell you about herself.
• Make time to quietly watch your baby and her reactions. This way you’ll get to know her character. With adults we don’t make instant assumptions-we expect to get to know them gradually-and the same is true of babies. But first we have to learn to speak their language. Whenever a newborn baby turns and brightens, and follows what you’re doing with her eyes, she is telling you quite clearly: ‘I like that. You can do that again. That’s just my type of thing.”
And every time she turns away from you, or thrusts away with her arms and legs, she’s probably saying: ‘I’m not so sure about that. Do it again...No. Definitely not. That sort of thing isn’t for me at all.’
• Whenever your baby is alert and ready, take time to talk or play with her. The more you talk to her, and she to you, the more fluent you’ll be in each other’s ‘language.’ ‘Talking’ isn’t just verbal: communicating with a baby can be done through smiles, singing, rhymes, cuddling, tickling and making eye contact. You’ll soon learn what your baby likes and dislikes from the responses you get back from her.
• Your baby will be yearning to communicate with you, so make sure it’s a two-way thing by giving her a chance to respond to you. Mealtimes offer good opportunities to indulge in some quiet communication. So when baby takes a breather from breast or bottle, exchange a smile with her. She’ll pause to take in what you’re doing, and then return to her meal refreshed. And the more you ‘talk’ to your baby in this way, the more her personality will start to shine through.
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