You’re not to blame for the break up

It is in order for a guy to use the familiar ‘it is not you’ phrase during a break up. Sadly, though, and it has been understood, his intention is to simply sound polite, avoid hurting the girl’s feelings or save himself from seeing her tears.

I don’t care if any is the case. It is in order because when a guy breaks up with a girl, it is the relationship that has been torn apart. Period. The girl is ‘intact’. Therefore, and clearly, it is not her.

Sadly again, most women link relationships to almost everything in life. Granted, we tend to make relationships the core to our being. Sort of, it is. This is us.

You disagree? Ask a moody girl what is eating up her mind; a man plays a hand in it, somehow. Or when she smiles all the time, the question to ask is: “What is his name?”

We are the happiest when we find and stay in love. No matter how deep the waves of life push us in the Misery Sea, there is always something beautiful when we are in love.

We smile for no reason. Irrespective of what dream we achieved, it aches when we cannot call him and share.

Now picture a girl who has been ditched. She is bitter and miserable. She tries to understand why he does not want to be with her anymore.

She will probably mentally list things she thinks she failed to do to make him stay and what she might have done to drive him away. She begins doubting she is beautiful or special when it is obvious she is. She ponders why she was not good enough for him. She may push it too far to the extent of believing she is not worthy of anybody’s love.

It is understandable to feel awful after a break up. However, this should not define her worth. The relationship failed because it was not ideal. It would have been meaningless even if she stayed for eternity.

The girl, therefore, is still, amazing, beautiful and entitled to respect and love. It does not matter how many heartbreaks she went through; nothing should make her feel otherwise. It does not matter if the guy’s intention was to get her to bed then leave her. She is not a fool for loving. As a friend once said: “Do not blame a guy when he leaves. Blame his standards for being low.”

And if it is your fault he walked away, think of being a better person when you are through the hurt. Until then, it is not you.