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Just when you thought it was safe to leave the baby with your child for a few minutes, a piercing yell brings you running to find bite marks on the baby’s arm. And an innocent little face nearby...
Some parents have to endure this at some stage, but why does it happen, and what can you do? Biting is usually the result of a combination of two related ideas, which your child finds hard to manage. The first is a sense of injustice, of missing out on something good.
The child wrongly feels that she’s losing out on attention or affection. It may be the demands that the new baby has brought or if she is in school, having to share all those lovely toys, or even missing her mum for the first time.
Secondly, biting is a belief that the victim is to blame.
The child may have accepted the baby in principle, and even having good fun sometimes, so the sly bite here is rarely an expression of pure hatred. It is a way of saying, ‘This noisy creature is the cause of all the trouble.’ In nursery school, it may mean, ‘She took my toys and pushed me over.’
It’s vital not to react in a cruel manner to the child because of biting others. It only adds new confusion to your child’s already conflicting feelings.
As an immediate reaction, you could take the child on your lap and talk to her softly about why she shouldn’t do it. Children need to know that biting isn’t acceptable under any circumstances.
But it’s important to avoid suggesting that ‘only bad children bite.’ It’s much better to explain that it’s unkind and mustn’t happen again.
Next, supervision will need to be stepped up, and the chances for another quick nip should be minimized.
Look out for any signs that your child is becoming irritable, and take steps to arrange some diversions.
It helps to praise your child every time she has been playing nicely with the baby or with other children. This reinforces the idea of a ‘nice’ personality rather than a bad one.
You also need to work on your child’s sense of well being and security.
This is always worthwhile, and after a problem with biting, it should reduce any feelings of resentment, frustration or jealousy, and free your child to enjoy the company of others.
It may help if you increase her daily ‘special time,’ when your toddler has your full attention.
If you’re already giving her a few quiet minutes every evening, maybe another brief session could be added after lunch. If you give her a reminder shortly before hand, you’ll build up a bit of anticipation and therefore extend the benefits even more!
Use the time for anything your child chooses-perhaps reading a story, playing a silly game or just snuggling up together.
So, when the shark bites, it’s not a little animal at work, but a confused toddler, who feels like a fish out of the water.
The solution lies in banning the biting, removing the opportunities and providing lashings of reassurance, and this horrible phase should soon become history.
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