Born City: Our parents didn’t just marry after pub hookups

The best kind of friend is one you can sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you have ever had. I may not be the best person to advise on matters love, but experience and age have made me wiser.

The late Mr Kirori once told me that the reason the present world is beset by problems in marriages and families is because we don’t marry our friends. He told me that in their day, they had to know a woman, her siblings and family for long. This way when you got married, the in-laws would not be malicious strangers.

A marriage brought two families together and there were strict laws about not what to do at the in-laws. I am sure you have had the statement, especially from the ladies, that, “We can’t be a couple because we have entered the friend-zone.” They think it’s cool to meet in bars, rugby games and such events. I always say that if you observe most of our parents, you’ll realise that they are still friends even after years of marriage. No wonder the notion that they look like siblings!

When we were young, most of the kids admired our parents. So, our ambition was working hard, completing school and getting married. We rarely saw our parents quarrel in front of us, at least not the way I see the new generation of parents throw tantrums like spoiled kids hadharani.

It’s not that our parents were perfect, but rather the fact that they kept their arguments private. Whenever they had differences, they locked themselves in a room, ironed out their differences and came out smiling like one who has won the lottery.

Social media is another culprit. I find it interesting when young couples advertise their love life online. I know it’s weird, but it has  become my hobby to follow the Facebook pages of people who post their love lives. Believe you me, less than five per cent of such couples survive more than six months. Being a media person, I know one rule well; media can make or destroy you.

Most of the ladies, after a one-night-stand having been ‘chips funguad,’ assume they are in love and go out updating their social statuses to that effect. They don’t even notice the so-called boyfriends don’t even comment or like the pictures.  My friend Vybiana Ciiko has some timely advice to ladies: “Don’t advertise your man if he’s not doing the same.

If he is acting single, act like a widow. Life is too short to be fooled.” Most of the ladies stop thinking with their brains and start using the assets on their chests.  My advice is that, when you meet a man, be a friend, go out, know him and see if he is focused. Don’t look at what he is driving or the money he has. A man whom you haven’t known for long and is suddenly splashing money on you is most likely a conman.

To the young people out there, especially ladies, love is not a hole that you just fall into. You have to dig it slowly with your partner. That way, you will be friends and your relationship will blossom. Yes, it’s not a bed of roses, but being friends means that your partner will come to your aid first (not friends), in the event of any difficulties. That way, you solve everything within without advertising it. Remember, always marry the person who has fallen in love with you, not the one you have fallen in love with.

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@AineaOjiambo