Woman who helped husband change into a woman now gets repaid by having her be her carer

A transgender woman whose wife stayed with her through gender reassignment surgery, helped her shop for a new wardrobe and join a dating site told how she is now repaying the wife she loves by being her carer.

Emily Dodge, 62, who was born with a male body, revealed she needed to live as a woman to wife Jean Smith, 68, after 20 years of marriage.

Mrs Smith stood by her husband, helping her through the transition and even signing her up to a dating website so she could experience being with a man.

Ms Dodge – who did not want to reveal her birth name – is now repaying Mrs Smith’s support by caring for her after she was diagnosed with early onset dementia in 2014.

The former IT worker said: “I always promised Jean we would be best friends and that will never change. I will never leave her.”

Mrs Smith, a former financial advisor, discovered her then 55-year-old husband needed to live as a woman and stayed by her side, helping Ms Dodge through genital reassignment surgery in February 2011.

The couple, from Helston, in Cornwall, were so close after the operation Mrs Smith helped her with some wardrobe advice.

Ms Dodge said: “Jean was amazing. Once I was well enough after the operation, we went shopping together and she'd pick out outfits for me.

 “She even helped me enrol for online dating.

“Our relationship is now like close sisters. She's my best friend.”

Ms Dodge spoke candidly about life before the operation.

She said: “To the outside world, including Jean, I was a guy who liked DIY, football and a pint with my mates of an evening, but actually, that wasn't me at all.

“I had felt like a woman trapped in the body of a man and the only time I felt happy was when I was wearing women's clothes and make-up.

“I kept it all hidden in the loft and would only get it out if I was sure Jean was going to be out for a while.”

But living a double life was not easy and after 20 years of marriage, Ms Dodge decided to come clean.

Mrs Smith said: “It was a huge shock when my husband told me how he wanted to live as a woman.

“He came into the living room wearing a skirt.

“I nearly had a heart attack.”

Initially, she thought it was a joke.

But after a lot of discussion, Mrs Smith gave her blessing, as long as her husband didn’t dress in women’s clothes in front of her.

Ms Dodge said: “At first, that was okay. I’d lock myself in the spare room, put on one of my favourite dresses and read a book for an hour. It felt so good to finally be myself, but when I wiped off the make-up and put on a short again, it didn’t feel right.

“Eventually I knew that would never be enough for me and I plucked up the courage to tell Jean I wanted to live as a woman full time.

 “Jean said she didn’t want to lose me and she wanted me to be happy,” she said. “It meant the world to me.”

With her approval, Ms Dodge changed her name to Emily and started taking female hormones.

She had gender reassignment surgery and breast augmentation on the NHS in February 2011.

“I spent eight days in the hospital afterwards but it was worth it,” she said. “When I looked in the mirror I was in the body I was always meant to be in. It felt right.

“Jean fully accepted the new me too. We’d go clothes shopping together, get our hair and nails done and gossip over coffee. But soon I realised something was missing. I wanted to experience every aspect of being a woman.”

She wanted male company – and Mrs Smith encouraged her to explore this.

Mrs Smith said: “I knew I’d already lost my husband, so letting Emily see other people was almost inevitable.

“Emily says she’ll never leave me and I believe her.”

She vetted Ms Dodge’s potential dates and helped her choose what to wear.

Ms Dodge met up with several men and also had a brief relationship with Mrs Smith’s knowledge.

She said: “Jean knew all about them and spoke to the guy on the phone. It was only brief but none of it was behind her back.”

Sadly, in 2013 Ms Dodge started to notice Mrs Smith was suffering some memory loss.

She said: “Jean would ask visitors if they wanted a cup of tea then go into the kitchen and come out and ask again.

“She couldn’t keep up with television programmes and struggled to use the remote control.”

Ms Dodge alerted the doctor and two health care workers came to the house to conduct a memory test.

After her results came back below average, Mrs Smith had a brain scan and was subsequently diagnosed with early-onset vascular dementia.

This means there is a reduced blood supply to the brain due to diseased blood vessels, causing brain cells to die and reduce cognitive function.

Ms Dodge has since been her sole carer and consigned finding a man to share her life with, on the back burner.

She said: “I'm always worrying I'm not doing the right thing for her, so for now dating is on hold.

“Meeting someone does cross my mind from time to time. If it happened, it would be nice, but I'm not going looking for it.”

Ms Dodge also runs a support group and advises other people who are planning on having genital reconstruction surgery.

Now the couple, who have been together 39 years, are taking things a day at a time.

Ms Dodge said: “It's very hard as I don't know how Jean will be from one day to the next. But I do know one thing - Jean will always come first.”