Afrocinema drama plays out at my doorstep

By GRACE NAKATO

KENYA: November is the Friday of the year, and party season is on! When we were young, this is the time we would remember to be nice so that Santa could bring us nice presents in December.

Now that we are older, the trend continues but you have to be especially good in the last quarter of the year. This must, of course, extend to your neighbours.

At work, if you have been nasty all year, no one will want to be your secret Santa and you will have to cater for your own entertainment in November and December as there will be no party invites from your friends in other departments and companies.

At home if your neighbours don’t love you and you fumble and drop your keys on the other side of the gate before opening, no one will hear your incessant knocks to open for you. Woe unto you, too, as this is the season for petty theft.

The holiday season seems to be accompanied by heavy rainfall, which is most conducive for muffling screams when crowbars are applied to your doors or windows.

Where I live, the block has five houses surrounded by razor wire. The oldest tenant has lived here for almost two decades and is of Naija (Nigeria) origin. They have a teenage son and daughter and, therefore, are the lightest sleepers in the compound.

The new kid on the block is a girlie girl neigbour with a wannabe accent who either has many male friends, or a string of boyfriends. She probably works night shift as I have only spotted her once or twice during daytime and that is on a Saturday morning.

Usually, I hear her stagger in the flat above me as my alarm announces the first wake up call, or as I head to sleep after a late session of staring at the idiot box.

Gauntlet

Santa shall not be kind to her as she has already thrown down the first gauntlet. Our rambunctious offsprings were recently asked to lower their noise levels whenever they are playing or she will shoot them! She did not count on the soft spoken Naija man who is father to three of the rowdy lot of six on our block.

The Naija man called a meeting and we agreed that the landlord would be requested to chase the nocturnal groupie.

Missy was quick to apologise and not a moment too soon because a week later as she tried to fumble with the padlock, her keys dropped inside and the only person who was awake was the Naija momma waiting up for her son in campus who was probably past his curfew.

Modus operandi

Loud knocks and an exchange of words ensued before she was allowed in with her latest catch.

Dude must have thought this is the modus operandi as the next day while it poured bucket loads, he came knocking at midnight and was rather rude to Ms Naija.

There was an Afrosinema moment worthy of record:

“Eh! Young man! What effrontery! Am I your mother or do you think your prostitute girlfriend has employed me to open for her clients? Come and see this useless man oh! Get out! Tell her to come home and open for you like a wife! Mscheeeew (prolonged sneer)!”

Suddenly, we, who heard no knocks and had lights off, were out in the rain to help chase the hapless lout out.

I doubt he will be announcing his ‘ndume-ness’ (bravery) anytime soon.