Beware of our ‘mermaids’ you non-coastal men!

BY HAMZA BABU

Among my loyal customers is a man from Nyanza by the name of Jajuok. His preferred position at Kahawa Tungu is directly under a big poster of Osama bin Laden in one corner of the coffee house which we refer to as Abbottabad.

So on this day the usually jovial man came in with his head hung low and I was obviously concerned. I, therefore, went over to where he sat and offered him a cup of the hot brew with the words, “Drink this, it will cheer you up my friend.”

Misfortunes

I suppose those words opened a can of worms of sorts as the man for the first time descended into lamentations about his misfortunes in the Coastal town he has called home for over two decades.

Apparently, Jajuok decided to permanently settle in Mombasa after getting a job at the port. And since he is one of those Kenyans who believe in proper assimilation, he met and married Fatuma and even converted to Islam, and adopted the name of Hussein.

He is currently one of the few Al Hajjis who have made pilgrimage to the holy land to book his place in the hereafter.

Breadwinner

“For so many years, I have been the sole breadwinner for Fatuma’s entire clan,” he complained. “Even the little ones have to ‘Shum Jomba’ (kiss uncle) before heading off to school so that I can give them breaktime,” he continued.

The guy is said to have financed dowry for all the numerous nephews of the clan, and bought expensive gifts or all the brides.

The reason he is so depressed is that since he got summarily dismissed at the port, Fatuma divorced him and this rendered him homeless.

And there is no question about his going back to Siaya as he has not visited his ancestral land for many decades. It is said that the man used to be given warm water for wudhu ablution) with the wife personally undertaking to pour it out for him.

“They used to treat me like royalty when I had the money,” he said.

“Hapa nyumbani ni kwako (our home is yours), they told me and I believed them,” he regrets.

Jobless

Fatuma is remarrying and taarab music is loudly booming, “Uliposema mimi wa nini wenzako wauliza watanipata lini (while you were breaking up with me others were wondering how to get me)!”.

Now Al Hajj Husein aka Jajuok is a divorcee, destitute and jobless whose only refuge is the mosque where he has taken up the job of (muezzin) caller to prayer.

The rest of us will be heading over to the Fatuma residence to attend the wedding and feast on biryani. As for Husein, he swears that he cannot attend for as he puts it, “Fatuma and her people are swindlers.”

“Kuwa mwungwana(act like a gentleman),” he is told. “You messed up your job and couldn’t keep your wife so don’t complain.

Maisha sio giniwasekao( life is foregone conclusion),” he is duly reminded.