Weird Kenyan handshake that injured Americans

By Sophia Baraka

Kenya: Tongues are wagging in Washington, about a certain peculiar Kenyan handshake.

An over-zealous Kenyan government official is said to have gone overboard, in an effort to market his “warm” handshake as a positive Kenyan culture. This incident took place late last month at an international world cultural exhibition held in a Museum.

According to some victims, still writhing and smarting from the torture, this Kenyan official squeezed and crushed people’s hands so hard that he left behind a trail of bruised and broken fingers. His handshake left others farting and gasping for breath.

One victim described the handshake as “painful, smothering and totally unnecessary, a control game based on sadism”.

While bidding farewell to the Kenyan team at the Dulles International Airport, the conference organisers maintained a safe distance as they cautiously waved their farewells.

Some handshakes are as strange as they are offensive. I do not know about other people’s experiences but I do know for sure that some handshakes are limp while other people’s palms are so sweaty.

There are people whose handshakes are warm and leave a pleasant feeling that lingers on long after they are gone. There are some rude handshakes where people shake your hand halfway and draw it away as fast as possible.

Grieving

It makes one feel as if a bone has been snatched from one’s fingers before one even gets to hold and feel it. This is a dead fish handshake and portrays an aloof character, one who is moody and rather full of themselves. This handshake leaves a terrible feeling of being dejected.

Some handshakes easily turn one off. Men who want to have an illicit relationship may coil their forefingers and scratch the palm of one’s hand in the middle of the handshake.

In my culture, the worst thing to do is to shake people’s hand at a funeral before viewing the body and grieving. If you hold out your hand to the bereaved family, they will look away and your rejected hand will remain hanging in the air – quite an embarrassing sight.

My grandfather Musenangu had a warm, firm, gentle handshake and looked one keenly in the eye.

Politicians often have warm overly friendly handshakes to lure voters before elections but once in high office, the handshake is replaced by pushy aides with guns.

While eye contact is universally accepted as an important part of the handshake, some people shake hands without evening looking at the subject. It is a sign of bad manners, lack of respect towards others and low self-esteem.

I wonder what people think of my handshake! My Kenyan handshake!