Church outlaws fake currency in bold move

By Mark Mutahi

Crime in the country has hit such alarming levels that one city-based church has been forced to procure a counterfeit-detecting machine to curb the rising cases of fake money being offered as tithe.

In an interesting development that is likely to spur a new trend, the churchgoers have to pass their money through a detector to ensure it’s authenticity before putting it in the collection basket.

A visitor walking into the city-based church would be excused for mistaking the building for just another business premise. This is because of all the fake denomination notes pasted all over the church entrance door warning worshippers against trying to pass the counterfeits as legal tender when the collection basket is being passed around.

Manual

The church took this drastic move after collecting too many fake currency notes. Initially to curb the practice, ushers would take the money church members gave and check it against the light. This manual system, however, proved too slow and inaccurate. Plus it discouraged people who only had the lowest denomination note to offer because the pastor would see and start naming, shaming and cursing them at the pulpit.

It was not immediately clear why churchgoers had taken to tithing fake money, but the most plausible explanation was that in the particular church, tithing had been made compulsory and anyone not complying would invite rebuke, ridicule, fire and brimstone from the pastor.

Thus, rather than risk embarrassment, the congregants had resorted to giving fake money to be in good books with the man of the collar.

Miracles

The other possible reason was that the congregants had realised that the miracles purported to have been performed were staged managed. And so they figured that there was no point in giving real money for fake services. In short, they had decided that fake miracles should be matched with fake currency.

The drastic action taken by the church to prevent counterfeiting comes at a time when there are repeated assurances by the police that crime has reduced.

But what is emerging is that when the police show statistics pointing towards a downward trend in crime and insecurity, what they are really saying is that the common mwananchi at the bottom of the pyramid, or down, who previously had nothing worth stealing or killing for, has now become a target as well.

This means that after years of marginalisation, finally the services of common criminals and thugs are being decentralised to the grassroots.

But back to the story. Not all churchgoers though, are happy with the increasing use of technology in the church.

First, it was weapon detectors in the wake of grenade attacks and now counterfeit detectors, they moan. If the trend is not checked, they fear an invention to detect fake faith, or what is commonly referred to as hypocrisy, may be unveiled.

But the pastor, who got over the panic brought about by the suggestion faster than the rest, was quick to point  out that he would not be party to allowing technology that detects ‘counterfeit Christians’.

That was the only time in the history of the church that there was more sighs of relief than alleluias.