Getting girl out of the house proves tricky

By Mother-in-Law

Last Saturday, Mwanahawa’s friend Stephanie threw a surprise baby shower for her. She asked me to pick Mwanahawa up and take her to her apartment. Obviously, Stephanie has no idea how hard it is to see Mwanahawa let alone get her away from her fortress and guard dog of a husband.

I called Mwanahawa the day before and told her I would be visiting. She seemed pleased, actually ecstatic, to hear that so I sensed there would be little resistance to me spiriting her away for a few hours. Boy was I wrong!

It all started at the gate. I hooted and waited and hooted and waited for a long time before I got the bright idea to call Mwanahawa and tell her I was at the gate.

She sounded groggy.

"Mum, it’s so early," she said.

It was not early! It was 8am. Anyway, she sent her house help to open the gate. The girl had obviously just rolled out of bed. What is wrong with these people? They are obviously not familiar with the term ‘seize the day’. I believe that unless you are ill, you should wake up no later than 6am. That was how I was brought up and how I tried — and evidently failed — to raise my children.

Take her out for breakfast

I sat in the living room as I waited for Mwanahawa to get ready.

"Don’t eat, I will take you out for breakfast," I told her when she came downstairs.

She almost had a fit. I thought she was going to have convulsions. To this day I do not know what emotion she was so vigorously expressing — anger, disbelief, joy, sorrow?

When she calmed down, she told me she had to eat at home because Ali said she should not eat out because the food might be "dirty, contaminated, contain radiation, animal hormones and other bad things that could kill the baby".

Danced for joy

"What? Do you really believe that? Where is Ali anyway?" I asked.

"I believe it in a way. I eat only healthy, organic food that I cook myself. Ali is in Libya," she replied.

I almost danced for joy. I really did not want to encounter Ali and fight to get Mwanahawa out of the house.

"Okay. Cook and eat and then we will go for a drive. Fry me a sausage while you are at it," I said.

"A sausage?" Mwanahawa looked liked she was about to vomit.

"We don’t eat animal flesh in this house," she said.

I did not want to argue with her and get her in a foul mood in case she refused to go out. I decided I would tell her how important the protein, iron and other nutrients found in meat were — especially for a pregnant woman — later.

As we ate — ngwaci, nduma, some soya bean product and herbal tea — I told Mwanahawa I would like to take her shopping for the baby. Actually, I have already bought a cot, pram, stroller, potty, diapers, baby soap, lotion and oil, and unisex baby clothes.