Living for the dead: When you have to stop grieving

A black and white photo of a sad woman. (Courtesy/iStock)

Caveat: This is sullen. Perhaps even (marginally) harsh, but after I have had to deal with the death of a dear friend, it is the only way it can be. Even worse, she could not be buried fast, which prolonged the mourning period, but also left me feeling guilty as I wondered if the reason we (where I come from) bury people quickly is to allow us to move on with our lives. Then again, is there anything to feel guilty about wanting to move on as fast as possible? After all, there is nothing we can do to change the deceased's status.

I stated it would be borderline harsh, but in my 50 years, I have learned to be pragmatic with death. You do not live to 50 having not lost very key people in your life. By 50, you have experienced grief so much, that you could write a guide book about it. At 50, you have accepted that you are not immortal, that death is just a breath away, because you have lost people you have never imagined dead; age mates, spouses, children, siblings. At 50, you have already been through, several times, the character development programme that teaches you that life, indeed, will do what it wants. So will death.