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My wife has this stupid habit of picking unnecessary fights with other men when she is with me. She insults waiters, bouncers, matatu passengers and on one occasion, a policeman.
Last week, she showed two makangas the middle finger and told them they could do nothing to her because she was with her husband (me).
Two weeks earlier, she dragged me into a pub fight, which ended with me being beaten like a thief. I went home with some swollen nose and torn trousers.
How do I stop this nonsense? Ronnie
Dear Ronnie,
There are women who love it when their man gets violent for them. You don’t sound like a brawler, so you might need to subject your kids to an immediate DNA test.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they were sired by a sweaty ruffian with anger management issues.
But if you want to be spared further beatings, next time, take her to those dark pubs on the wrong end of town and insult a hulking barmaid who has fought in half the pubs in this country.
Tell the barmaid, “My wife is not happy with the way you are looking at me. She is pretty and better educated and unlike you, has only slept with one man her entire life.”
My only fear, however, is that the barmaid might hammer both of you to a pulp!
