I can’t find my wife’s G-spot, will she leave me?

Hi Uncle Ted,

My wife and I have been happily married for the past eight years. But last month, she went for a bridal shower and came back complaining that a woman whose man has never found her G-spot does not know what sex is.

I have spent the last three weeks looking for that thing, but every time I ask her, “Nimekapata?” she wails, “No-ooo!”

I am now worried that she will go out looking for a man who is a better lover. What do I do?

John

Brother John, do you know those Pokot warriors running circles around cops in Baringo?

Do you know the fire-spitting politicians and religious prophets you see on TV, or the crack military intelligence officers on dangerous spy missions in Somalia?

I will tell you this for free: None of these tough chaps have the faintest clue where that darn thing is, or whether it exists in the first place.

If women can’t trace it in their own bodies, how the hell do they expect you to know where it is?

Achana nayo! Buy that mama sexy panties and a pair of shoes.

Then make her pregnant and focus your energies on buying plots in Kitengela like a real man!