Kuvuka boda? Be careful of dating white women, they could leave you high and dry

Photo: Courtesy

Normally I save my firepower for my seventh floor cold water flat neighbour, Itindi Wanga. Every Saturday after her leisurely weekly shower, she will send the water cascading down to my washing hanging on the fifth floor balcony, dirty Beryl-coloured water which I am sure contains the chemical element beryllium (look up your period table, and no, it does not occur once every thirty days).

Beryllium, when exposed through skin (my hanging line clothes), can cause a life-threatening chronic condition called berylliosis, which causes shortness of breath (which is why Beryl thinks she leaves most men breathless). On the upside, beryllium is a relatively rare element in the universe – like Wanga.