Why men are helpless when wives pass on

When a man’s wife dies, either of two things happen depending on the character of the man and the caliber of the wife who’s just passed on. First, when the woman of the house departs, the clown who pretends to wear the pants around the house becomes totally lost.

If he is a true African man, he will long have forgotten the general direction of the kitchen. Other than grunting ‘morning’ at the house help, he might not even know her name. Need I mention that he probably has no clue where his own socks are kept? For such a man, much as he must mourn for the dearly departed, prudence requires that her shoes must be filled – with immediate effect.

So, while mourners are battling over food, his sisters are holding informal talks wondering whom to nominate to the vacant position. Who knows, they could even be conducting undercover interviews as mourner after mourner explains how the departed has left a gap that cannot be filled.

That goat

Thus, two weeks later, his late wife’s friend wake up to news that there is a bashful (and oft time snot so bashful) bride in the house. “That goat! I always knew he was a dog. How can he treat Suzzie with such disrespect?” they fume. Sorry sisters, it is nothing personal, just business. If that man doesn’t get a woman to run that house pronto, anything could happen, including death from cholera, dysentery or food poisoning!

Second, there are the ‘solid’ men who hung on tight, respecting the departed, honouring her memory and so on. Two things happen. Either they die in months and follow the women they loved to heaven, or they hang around looking like ghosts – lonely, empty, lost – for the rest of their lives with only jiggers for companionship.

Odd isn’t it? For all our vaunted toughness, I am yet to meet a man who grows fat months after his wife dies. The stronger sex, you said?